Thanks for the offer to help. Here is where I am: Wife found her "dream man" 1 year ago. He lives about 300 miles away. From what I understand, he has made a token effort to find a job near where we live, but he enjoys what he does and where he lives now. He is not in a big hurry to move here, is what I am trying to say. His kids are grown and in the military. Wife will not move, our kids are in school. Also, snooping has revealed that wife is very "clingy" with him, and often comes across as insecure with his affection.
Wife considers me completely incapable of adequately communicating with her. She believes that I will never be able to satisfy her emotional needs. I have made numerous 180's and my GAL's have been noted by her, all to no avail - at least not in the near term. She said yesterday (after returning from meeting with OM): "I'm glad that you are out doing different things, finding out who you are, but it's time for me to move on." She wants me out of her life to assuage the guilt of adultery.
Wife and OM are colleagues. They meet at quarterly meetings and about two times a month they meet halfway for sex. They talk about 90 minutes/day on cell phone. Wife has professed her love for him for eternity. She has told him he is her soul mate, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.
Questions: What did it take to wake you up from the fantasy? Was it a single event, or did it occur gradually?
Did it ever occur to you how destructive and hurtful your behavior was? I have received token "I'm sorry"'s from my wife. But nothing heartfelt. She is really not sorry because (in her eyes) she has found her perfect dream man. So my question is, how likely is it that she will ever come to realize how darn hurtful she has been to me? It's just that she seems so cavalier about her behavior. Wife is the queen of justification: "It's OK because ...." So she believes that her behavior is justified to compensate for years of unhappiness. This is regardless of the emotional expense to me.
