Trying to set those goals!

[Trixi]

Well, it was a pretty good evening, until....

Until near the end when somehow what happened (or didn't happen) yesterday came up. Then *he* said "yeah, we need to talk about that." Long story short-- he doesn't want to "lead me on". And sure, we could have sex, but it wouldn't mean what it should. And, no, there isn't anyone else. He knows that he is a "one woman man." He doesn't want to date anyone else. He still feels attracted to me, I'm the only one he feels like dating and he is trying to make that go away. He is conflicted. At some point during the above statements I said "Um, yeah, I can sure see how being attracted to your wife is horrible. And then he said "I try to talk to you and you throw it back in my face" to which I said "Oh yeah?! You think I am throwing it back in your face?!? You mean, when I point out that you are attracted to your wife and it seems like you are making every effort to squelch the feelings you SHOULD have for YOUR WIFE that YOU LEFT?!? " I said more than that but that was the gist of it, to which he said "touche'".

His bottom line- no, there is no one else. He is just trying to be independent. He thinks that we need to completely feel broken up. (because after all, if he had tried, he just *knows* he could have gotten in my pants tonight. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Then I got the "if I come back it will be better, blah blah blah, but I don't feel like I can come back unless we're totally separated."

I am beyond livid. To hear him say that he is "conflicted" has feelings for me AND is making a concerted effort to kill those feelings makes me sick.

I think it's time for me to go pitch f'ing black.

Edited to add that during dinner he said that he was looking into volunteering somewhere and I made a face. I had suggested that many times before and it was never met with enthusiasm. So then he says, "we could do it together". Well, that was a nice thought until he made it clear that not only was he NOT interested in working on the relationship, but in addition, was trying to make sure that there are no feelings left. Ass.

Oh ,wait. I suppose I should praise his insight. Consider him a hero for 'saving me from myself' and not "leading me on". Give him a big pat on the back for trying to kill his feelings for me. Whatta guy. I say, with my hands clasped at my chest as I look towards the sky "my hero" and then bat my eyelashes and let out a huge sigh.