CVA - Angels vs. Devils

[Not Much Left]

Kind of tired of doing this cuz it never seems to be the best ending to a day, but here goes.

W had S9 call me from the car. I talked to the kids and W got on the phone. Basically barely polite. No feeling at all, unlike when we are actually in the same room. Why is it that when she is not around me, it is so easy to be so cold? It makes me wonder if that is how she wants it to be? or is she just still protecting herself? I assume the latter, but hard nonetheless.

Once on the phone, I ask how her day was and after "fine", I just let it sit, dead air. At least a minute..."how was your day?", I think it was barely courtesy, not a real wanting to know. I then ask, very nicely, "why do you have S9 call me", I think it caught her offguard that I would be so bold to ask that. Not great responses, "I was busy, driving" PLEASE. Ive seen you drive with your knees, eat a sandwich and talk to your friends on the phone.

Why not just say, I really dont want to talk right now? OK, I shouldnt have asked, but all you WAW out there, WAW78, Sandi, whomever, why are you all so chickensh*t, you can throw us out, but just cant say, "I would rather not talk to you tonight" or whatever?

Angry, no. disappointed in her, yes. I am sure it comes across angry to most of you reading this. Not the tirade from yesterday, I just dont get it. Maybe it is because she is around her family.

Not one comment that so and so asked about you. Whatever. I ask if anyone up there has anything interesting to say, "no, not really". Thanks for expanding. GEEEZ? Really, how long does this go on like this?

Impatient, yes. It shows when I have no contact.

I have not hugged my kids for a few days now. No physical contact with anyone, namely your family, just flat out sucks. People need that, I need that. Yes, I said NEED. I am actually suprised people like my brother can live day-to-day. He is a sad, sad human being. 60+ yrs old now, never married, no love as far as I know. Just a sad, lonely man who is bitter about life in general.

I dont want to end up like that.

Sorry, I should just shut up now.