Living with my WAW 3

[SuperDad]

Journaling:
I did a bit of thinking on my new goals, and am totally torn between the goal of getting her to take action in any direction(either counseling or divorce/separation) and/or the goal of recapturing some of what we had when times were better. Can I have these two goals at the same time?

I spoke to my uncle (the one who still regrets his D, 15 yrs. later) and he fully supports my playing hardball, maybe incrementing things up in steps:
1. Ask her about her plans for the near term.
2. Talk to her about spliting finances (she is a SAHM with two kids in school).
3. Give her an ultimatum - either go to IC/MC or I file.

One interesting point. I checked the cell phone records and she has only one or two calls to OM during the whole vac. and those to his office no. Hmmm...could she be in a sour mood because he is withdrawing from the A?

Just to point out, this snooping is not emotionally driven, but more of a sanity check on my part as I am only still here over the kids and my guilt over the impact this will have on them. I really have no emotion towards W right now at all...unless you count wishing she would be gone as an emotion? It does however make me think that continuing to move slowly is the best way to go.

We mostly avoided each other since we got back from TX and it feels good. The epiphany I had over the last 4 weeks was that I am (much) happier when she is not around. Actually, I think the kids are too.

S6 has taken to drawing pictures of flowers with hearts in the middle and labeling them Dad, Mom, S8, and S6, then writing "ILY Mom and Dad" on it and giving it to us. Obviously, at least at a sub-conscious level, he is aware that things are not right. S8 is, like his dad, not very relationship-focused, and is therefore blissfully ignorant!

W will take kids to the beach tomorrow and spend the night with a friend there. This will give me a bit of time to think things over and maybe see a L?

I do know that my original motivation still stands. That is:
To be able to say that I tried everything, to the best of my ability to save our M. This is NOT for her, but rather so that I can look myself in the mirror and my boys in the eyes and say that I did my best.

SD