Getting close to the end...New email from the WAW

[JustDucky]

Gee, I feel like I am reading my own story here. And it scares the pudding out of me. Sometimes I feel that when children are involved, further communication with the WAS is mandatory, but in several of our sitch's, there are NO kids, so it is easy for the WAS to halt all communication.

We see the WAS's anger, and we still love them so much, we want to see that anger dissipate. And if their anger went away, then our marriages MIGHT have a chance. And THEY might have a chance, too. Unforuntately, we can't force the issue, and that is the hard part. We are not allowed to show them the changes we have been making, we can't tell them how sorry we are (aside from our first gestures, which were promptly dimissed), and we have no excuse, no reason to see them again.

And it hurts that our vows were apparently not taken seriously. Yeah, I screwed up- I asked my husband to leave. But did I want, or expect a divorce? No! It would have been nice if he had recognized I was having a "hissy fit" (maybe a bad one), but I would be over it in a few hours.

And yet, "going dark" may be the only key to any sanity that we want to keep. Wishful thinkin' ain't gettin' us nowhere. And for me, I pray daily for God to do His will. May not be fast, (at least as fast as I might like), but what other chance might there be?