While I sit "on pins & needles" awaiting GD's post "talk" post, I saw this from Sandi2 on another thread.
Since we touched on this same subject today in our session I thought I'd pass it on over here;
Quote:
I do want to say that "self-confidence" is very sexy. The first thing the OM, in my life, said that really "drew" me to him was that he knew how to get things done! All he had to do was make some calls, pull a couple of strings, and it was done. Man! That was "power" to me! Now, maybe it was the truth and maybe it wasn't, but that's not the point here. It turned me on...b/c my H was not like that. I never saw that kind of power or strength in him. It excited me that a man in OM position could find me sexy and desirable...and he was even younger than me. You see, he wasn't even that physically attractive, but he didn't have to be. It was the strength that I first saw. He had hinted around about having a good paying job, and then just come out and told me as much...but I still wasn't impressed. Nope...it was when he told me that other stuff.
The way I try to think about it now....b/c I'm still working on my M (I'm not fixed yet), is that if my H was in the postion of the OM, he would be powerful also. Maybe I'm not stating that very well....I mean it in a positive way...not comparing my H to OM (even if it sounds as though I am). If my H had a lot of money, I would probably be excited about that also. In other words, I fell in love with my H, but it was those "other things" that excited me about the OM...not love. I don't think I'm saying this well at all and I know that probably turns the stomachs of you men, but, it's the truth and I'm being honest as I know how. I think some of it goes back to how we women were raised as little girls. In my case, the men were suppose to take care of us helpless females....(that was a long time ago). So, it does affect my thinking toward men.
The OM in my life....well he wasn't the right moral type of guy either or he would not have chosen to have an affair with a married woman. But, as frank-D said, that isn't your real problem. Try to get your eyes off of OM...as hard as that is. Look at the real problem.
Strength & confidence is a "turn on" for most people. Allowing them the space & freedom they want is another. The all time best, is really letting them go & risking that they might not want to return to you.
Not really a risk though, since they're essentially already gone & not doing so will keep them that way, no?
Sunny
Better get over to Still's thread b/f she thinks I don't care as much for her, which I do o/c, just giving her a break
