Well, I was adamantly shot down folks. She said that she needs to move on, no doubt about it. No postponement, no Legal Separation. Nothing. She wants this D done and out of the way ASAP. She even seemed a little annoyed that I brought it up again. She did cry some, but I don't think it had anything to do with feelings for me.
I kept a PMA and remained positive and confident, and told her that it was okay and that I wouldn't stand in her way or bring this up ever again. I said that I respected her decision, and apologized for not respecting her choices or needs in the past. We talked about a few things and I agreed to help her on some issues. She didn't seem real remorseful, but did seem to still feel guilty. However, feeling guilty does us LBSs little good in the purest sense. It isn't what we want from our WASs, is it? At least, it isn't what we want them to come back for.
Anyway, too sad to type anymore right now. I feel like I'm back to square one and feeling rather hopeless and powerless. It is the rejection that does this, I think. Knowing that my W doesn't think of me as worth the effort, or knowing that I made her so sad and hurt her so much over the years that she has no more feelings for me. Also, knowing that for the most part, I myself brought this down upon me. I am my own undoing. This knowledge is also one of the most painful realizations to deal with.
Geez I'm a pathetic ass! I'm going to take a drive and try to get my sh!t together before dance tonight. At least that will help me get out of this funk.
Thanks for your support everyone -- it has meant the world to me!
