Hi, I join the others saying that I'm sorry to find you here but I'm glad you found us. If that makes sense.
I wrote you ....then deleted everything I had said and thought, "I can't send her that!" Well, I'm gonna do it anyway.
If I were in your shoes, I think I know what I would do. Isn't that always the case? Now, if only I could fix ME, I would be fine.
Seriously, I too have had the sex problem over the years. My H never had enough and I had to nearly make myself do it to make him happy. (Don't tell the other men I said this, cause they hate to hear stuff like this!) Well, gee, that didn't sound too nice, did it? Well, I mean my friends on here. Oh well, you know what I mean.
Anyway, do you remember how we were when we were in high school and wanted to get a boy's attention? How old did you say you were? Frankly, I'm so old that the times have really changed, but, I don't think human nature has changed. God put something in us females that is a grand thing. Men think we use it as a weapon, but never the less, it's pretty special. Now, I'm sounding real flippant and crazy but I'm just trying to make you feel better, b/c I really do identify with the sexual part. But honey, if you want that man of yours to stay....you've got what it takes to get him to stay home...you've just got to remember how to use it!
In my day, they use to call it "playing hard to get"....which gives you an idea of how old I am! Anyway, I still believe in its effectiveness.
First, you've got to drop the "poor me" image and get dolled up, spurced up, total make-over....whatever it takes. Get some spunk, attitude, and pride! Make coming home the most fun part of his day and don't talk about anything serious. Act cheerful (I know, you don't feel it...get over it.), flirt, flirt, and flirt some more. Do you remember how to do the "eye" thing? OK! Don't hang on to him....don't you dare chase him....don't ask any of those "you-know-what" questions to agravate him, don't act like a "slave" and wait hand & foot on him...but at the same time, be polite and if you want to do something special.......oh, you get the drift.
You set the attitude in your home! Even if he comes home grumpy, you have the power to turn it around. Really! But sweetie, you've got to work you yourself. I know you are dying inside. I know you are scared to death. Don't make him feel sorry for you or make him feel guilty.....he'll hate you for it. Don't use the kids.....it'll make things worse.
Show him the beautiful, soft, gentle, sweet woman you are. Belive it, yourself, and it will shine through. Then, he will see it and it will turn him on...trust me on this one.
Now, I know I say all this to you so easily.......but you see the truth is....I'm in the other boat. Yeah, it's tough. I was the one that wanted to leave. My sweet H has been hurt so badly by me. I disappointed him, betrayed him, broke his trust in me......was unfaithful in my heart (had an EA) and lied to him....I think I'll stop on that one....but you get the picture. I wish I could feel for my H what you feel for yours. I am trying hard and trusting that soon I will begin to have those positive feelings again. Just wanted you to know that I don't have all the answers and I have my own share of troubles.
With all my heart, I wish and pray for your success and I believe you can do it. You must believe in yourself. Not only has God given women the sexual power (if you will), but He has given women all the qualities that men love. Use those things girl!
Let me hear from you. I really care.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
