Well, I finally realized what my problem was yesterday. It was the second anniversary H moving out. I met with my pastor yesterday and after talking with him, I feel much better and have support in my stand for my marriage.

I have almost made it through another birthday alone. S17 managed to get some flowers for me. He had a friend pick them up for him. I don't know how he is going to pay for them. I don't have much for food but I will have to find something to cook for dinner. I miss the days where H took me out on my birthday and I never had to cook.

I haven't heard a single word from IL's or S32 and S20, of course, my birthday has not been acknowledged by H either. I was hoping but didn't really expect it. I am sure he has to save his money for heroin's birthday at the end of the month. Thank goodness it is almost over.

Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.