This is my first post as I came across this site after weeks of searching for solutions. I am 45 years old and my wife will be 40 in two weeks. While we have had our ups and downs over the last 19 years we hit the wall a few weeks ago. We have three great kids, D 12, S10 and another S8. It all started about a month ago when we were sitting on our deck at the summer cottage enjoying time with some friends. The topic of age came up and my wife clearly stated that she was not where she wanted to be in life. Things quickly escalated after that. About a month ago she dropped the bomb and stated that she wanted a divorce. We talked about it and decided to try to reconcile – the MIL helped steer her in this direction. We reconciled for a couple of weeks but the problems started to really evolve at that time. She said she was unhappy with her life and wanted the next 40 years to better. She stated the normal – I do not love you, never did and the reason she married me was to get out of the house and away from her parents. She needed space and her freedom, she lost 15 pounds, started jogging and is now spending every bit of money on new clothes(After reading Michelle’s article on MLC the lights went on for me). The last few weeks have been nothing but hell. She stays at the summer cottage 5 days out of the week and I come up on weekends.
Two years ago I asked her to see a C and she did not want to at that time. Her friend finally talked her into it - and we had separate C sessions last week. The sessions were separate and I felt it went well – I walked out with hope. We met at a restaurant for a drink and a bite to eat after. We actually talked for the first time in a long time. This only lasted for the night. We are supposed to have a joint session in two weeks.
Anyway Saturday night things exploded. This was my fault more than hers. We both had a few cocktails in us and the fights just get that much worse. We were at a party with friends and our kids. I went to meet her brother at the bar down the street for a drink and when I came back to get my car she was still at the party. It was past midnight and she was about to send my D12 home with another couple and was set to stay with her friend and my sons. I thought this was crazy as the kids should be in bed. My S1-0 and D 12 came home with me but youngest stayed with her. She did not get back until 1:30 a.m. We really got into it as I did not see it appropriate to keep the kids out that late especially when W is sitting around sucking down champagne all night.
She seems to do this all the time. For a while her drinking was getting way out of control. She is always the last one to leave the party. While she states she never has had an affair she loves to flirt with every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Well that is a bit of my background on the situation. I really do not know where to take this. She will do anything to avoid time alone. I stopped calling her daily and she rarely will call me. When we do talk – it is very short and she cuts me off. We have not separated as of yet, but school starts for the kids next week and I am sure the tension meter will go up.
Also her Birthday is on the 1st next month. We have our friends over at the cottage each year on Labor Day and while she states it is not her B-day party it essentially is. She still wants everyone over, even though everyone has a feeling that we are having some serious issues.
While I do not want to divorce it is getting harder and harder to be around someone that you make unhappy and in turns depresses me.
