Thank you for asking your friends for advice. I really appreciate it. Lin's advice, and your advice, are very helpful and exactly what I need to do. But actually overcoming the panic of losing my wife and the obsession over the OM makes it difficult. It is getting easier thanks to the advice I've received here. My only regret is not coming here a long time ago... I hope it's not too late.
Stopping the pursuit of my W and calming down over the OM has actually made me feel much better over the last few days, plus it is helping my relationship with her.
You are right about my W dressing sexier and acting younger. She has even told me that she feels like if she isn't going to be with me that she needs to find someone now before she gets too old. I can tell she craves the attention she is getting because she is extremely good looking and sexy. Even though she is 42, she could easily pass for 32.
You are also correct that I hurt her in the past. When we were having difficult times regarding stepkids, money, etc. I didn't react very nicely and I did demean her and make her feel like crap instead of communicating properly. I haven't done that for a couple of years, but the damage was already done, and she had already checked out mentally a couple years ago. I also never told her enough how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. All these mistakes I would never make again now that I realize what I have lost. I would do anything to keep her happy if I ever got her back again.
The things she tells me sometimes seem like she is trying to hurt me, because it hurts like crazy. But I don't think she is trying to hurt me. Sometimes I think she wants to see my reaction to see if I will slip up and get angry, but I've been ignoring the hurtful comments even though I'm steaming inside.
She tells me the biggest obstacle to getting back together is actually trusting that I will treat her like she deserves to be treated. I know the only way to get her to trust me is to give her space and show her that I can respect her wishes, so I am doing that now, along with 180's in my behvavior.
I don't argue with her at all and I have completely changed the way I talk to her over the last few weeks. No more pursuing or begging. She has mentioned that she can see that I am strong again.
A few weeks ago she was dead set on ending the relationship and getting a divorce, but now she tells me she is confused about what to do. I think this is a good sign that I am doing something right.
My W is definitely worth the struggle to win her back. I just need calm down, work on my patience, stop snooping, and leave her alone. Somedays are more difficult than others though, and fortunately I can vent here instead of calling her and screwing things up.
Thanks, Svejk
M - 10 yrs Together - 12 yrs Bomb - 3/8/07 Sep - 3/9/07 Me - 38 W - 42
