No she really kept things inside. But she has always been the type of person that when she gets things in her mind, she does them. In this case, it looks like it's going to be a divorce. I believe her support system with the exception of her grandmother has never said anything than OK when she mentions divorce. I believe that the majority of her support and direction is coming from the OM. She admitted that she was seeing someone less than a week after she left. And that was just a couple days after she told me that she wanted to be alone. And she told me she wasn't seeing him until after she left. Bulls##t !!! I am know fool, but I know she is hurting. However at this point all I can do is prceed with the D and maybe someday I'll write a story telling how DB helped me.
today was my court hearing, and it seems that my D will be final with the next two weeks. As I have written in my thread, I have had no interaction with my wife and she still is angry. I don't know if that is to justify her affair in her mind or she really is that angry. I suppose I will continue with not calling her as she asked, and see if there is a turn around. I love her family and miss them like crazy too. This is so hard.
Gee, I feel like I am reading my own story here. And it scares the pudding out of me. Sometimes I feel that when children are involved, further communication with the WAS is mandatory, but in several of our sitch's, there are NO kids, so it is easy for the WAS to halt all communication.
We see the WAS's anger, and we still love them so much, we want to see that anger dissipate. And if their anger went away, then our marriages MIGHT have a chance. And THEY might have a chance, too. Unforuntately, we can't force the issue, and that is the hard part. We are not allowed to show them the changes we have been making, we can't tell them how sorry we are (aside from our first gestures, which were promptly dimissed), and we have no excuse, no reason to see them again.
And it hurts that our vows were apparently not taken seriously. Yeah, I screwed up- I asked my husband to leave. But did I want, or expect a divorce? No! It would have been nice if he had recognized I was having a "hissy fit" (maybe a bad one), but I would be over it in a few hours.
And yet, "going dark" may be the only key to any sanity that we want to keep. Wishful thinkin' ain't gettin' us nowhere. And for me, I pray daily for God to do His will. May not be fast, (at least as fast as I might like), but what other chance might there be?
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalms 27:14
Me: 53 H: 56 Married: 1998 S 25 (not at home) SS 25 (not at home) Sep 5/05- 8/05 Sep briefly 11/06 Sep 5/07 Served D papers 7/28/07
