Thanks, everyone. There was something about seeing the ending of my M in black and white that really made it real for me. Back on more of an even keel, working out in a few minutes.
I guess the thing that gets me the most is that she never told me how she really felt so I'll never know if, had we really tried (by that I meant being honest with our feelings and communicating those feelings), we could have built a great R. I sincerely believe that we could, but never getting that chance is maddening. I feel cheated by my W because she has been judge, jury, and executioner of this R. Maybe things will turn around, I don't know. I've still got it in me that I love her, but this is awful.
Sara, My W makes more than I do. We'll be splitting clothes and whatnot for the girls. Our standard of living is going to take a hit, but we'll both be able to live OK. She'll be better off than I will, slightly. Saving for the future and any extensive vacation, which we finally would have been able to afford, will now be much more difficult to do. Not really important, but those things make life easier to live. One of the items that we'll have to work out is joint custody and limiting the others' ability to move so that we can keep that R with our girls.
I think there is a lot of self-justification on her part in viewing the past as mostly bad and her lack of faith in me as an excuse for her not to really open up herself to me. Maybe that will change in the coming months.
And, yes, I do have to lose my best friend. I'll be friendly and a friend, but I'm not going to give this woman my deep friendship outside of our M. Rightly or wrongly, I just don't feel that I'll be able to and maintain my sanity. Might change, might not.
"You may not win the battle, but the war is far from over."
Good way to look at things. Thanks.
Blech.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
