Cemar- I think maybe part of our difference in opinion lies in the fact of the time period we are talking about. In your marriage you say it's been years, in mine it is a couple of nights. Yes I agree that vicious circle can happen easily. But someone needs to be the adult in the R and go first. I am confused a little with the words merit & earn desire. I don't think I make my H "earn" desire. I think desire is a natural occurence in a relationship but it does have it's ups and downs for us based on all kinds of things. but I came to this BB to get a little advice and input on how to help myself out of the lows. I am here to keep my drive going to fulfill his (and mine) needs so in return I get my QT I may have been a little vague in my description, as I said I think I felt horny after our disagreement but not loving, I would have liked what I think has been referred to here as "the wolf" to show up in my bed, almost a way to work out my anger, some go jogging or punch a boxing bag... me I wanted to well you know. But my mind said if I did that then H would think I was OK with what happened and it was a truce and I was not ready to call a truce,(or as NJ stated I wasn't pyschologically ready) I didn't not attack as punishment to him cuz I am pretty sure he could of cared less or he would have initiated, it was a fear that my actions would be misinterpreted.
Does that make any sense?

Maybe when he gets home I should just jump him and see how that works, a late 180?

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)