Which brings me to the next question: Why do you say that you should desire your spouse even when he/she doesn't merit it? Simple, because if one spouse gets to set condtions, then so does the other and you now have an endless blame game. For example: Women lose desire for hubby because he does not give her QT. He on the other hand does not give her QT because she no longer desire him. Why would we assume that HE should meet her needs first (unconditionally), while she gets to wait and see if he "merits" desire (conditional).
If he does not "merit" desire, then she certainly does not "merit" QT.
