Plank/WAW, thread 2

[stewart10]

H:

Just going to have to wear a groove in my tongue from biting it.

Exactly. This is the hardest thing for me, because I am not really one to let things slide if they are f'ed up. But I truly believe that if I didn't do this, she would already be gone. My being able to let things go, and then vent in some other fashion (like posting here or calling a friend, or going to play ball) has helped tremendously.

what if she was never really happy?

If this is the case, there is nothing that you can do to change it. I have a really hard time believing that this is the case. And she cannot rely on someone else to make her happy. I think it is just "alien spew" as you mentioned below, and also her way of justifying to herself and maybe others, that what she is doing is right. If she was never happy, none of this could be your fault. I wouldn't believe it for a second.

I guess it's just that I heard the "I don't think we were ever a great couple" for the first time yesterday and that's kindof gotten me shook up. Of course, that was followed in the same conversation by I've been unhappy for 2 or 3 years (a few months ago that was 4 or 5).

Going back to the alien spew again. I wouldn't believe anything she says at this point. She is seeking a justification. The time period for her unhappiness is irrelevant, it changes almost daily. If you remember in the DR book, Michelle talks about perceptions clouding reality. An unhappy spouse tends to only remember the bad times. Don't read too much into her unhappiness time periods. They change even in the same conversation. Just continue doing what you are doing, and making the time you spend with W pleasant and fun for her.

I also got the "Knowing what I know now, I think I was pretending or playing a role and wasn't as happy as I thought or appeared. I'm no psychologist, but wha??!?!!"

Exactly. I don't know what that is even supposed to mean. And I doubt she had any idea either.