Mustn't be impatient. Before my H dropped the bomb we had several chats in which he put hypothetical questions to me, like, Do you think it's possible for a man to love 2 women? He reckoned it was to do with his work. His behaviour changed as well - similar to what you describe about your H. I should have twigged then - but I didn't. When I asked him why he told me about the A he said he couldn't stand the lying and cheating and couldn't sleep at night. What I'm saying is you may well get a confession any time soon.
Your other option is to confront him. Think carefully about this and the outcome: will he rush into your arms? will he rush to OW's arms? will he have his cake and eat it (like my H)?
Another way into this, depending again on what kind of outcome you would ideally like, is to use the 5 years together as an opportunity to take stock of you R : where you are, where you're heading, what you want from the R individually and as a couple. In opening up to him, you may spur him on to be more honest with you. It's obvious from what you write that you are both unhappy.
My H went through the motions for 6 months before the bomb.We didn't talk about it. I knew he was unhappy but believed it was work related stress. He's besotted with his work.
Now I see a pathetic, needy, weak, shell of a man and I wonder why I'm clinging on so hard but after 30 years it's all I know.
Re becoming a sex-maniac: no you are not needy, like all of us you want love and affection. The same week the bomb dropped I bought a ton of sexy lingerie and had to stop myself buying accessories if you know what I mean!
I wanted to feel desirable and sexy. I wanted to feel like a woman and yes I was competing with OW I suppose. But the most important thing was me feeling, smelling, looking good.For too long I've neglected that part of myself, swathed in flannelette nightie. (what an attractive prospect for H! Part of the R problem.)
You have to work on your PMA and read all the books/advice you can. Be your own woman- you can do it - and find an opportunity to talk to him in a non-threatening way first.
Let me know how you get on. Amazing how easy it is to dish out advice but when it's your own situation you're paralised.
