Nomopo's Sitch - Patience, Patience, Patience

[slowly]

Hi Nomo - Hey, after I posted to you, and headed out for the evening, I kept thinking that it had been an incomplete post. Don't you wish we could 'save as draft'

Second, as far as the self awareness part, and understanding more about my needs and defenses, and my independence, etc., which at this point in my journey is most important, I continue to explore that for myself and for my next R (with W or someone else, and with my kids, friends and other family) with my C in IC. I am learning what my needs are, and what my reactions were to not having my needs met, and how that affected me and my Rs with others. It is an AFGE (Another F*cking Growth Experience), and it is awesome.

Mostly this is what I meant. Often the steepest climb is between knowledge and action. Knowing you have these needs, that your natural instinct is to sweep them under the rug, what behaviour changes are you instituting for yourself that would mean you pause and acknowledge the need ? And then the harder bit, how are you, possibly through positive reinforcement of those around you, making it easier for them to meet these needs? You know, stuff we do well here on the board, the way we support each other etc - honestly, I think if most of us communicate half as well in the real world, life would be a huge success I like AFGE btw. I've been on that same prescription course too...

Third, I am doing some initial, preliminary thinking about what W and I will have to try to work on to make sure my needs are met in the event of a reconciliation. I fully understand that if we try to work on our M, we both have needs that were unmet before that need to be met this time.

I think this is along the lines of something I posted to SD yesterday. Lately I've noticed that my perspective is very different when I think of what I need from a life partner, versus when I frame my needs specifically with respect to NG. The latter is a valid short term, almost stop-gap measure. When I think of my ideal partner, then there are some facets that NG is going to need to develop, and he gets that only when I can do a bit of positive reinforcement. It works, just takes a lot of effort and yeah, patience

A terrific post by Michele Woodward this weekend at
Risky Business

Remember, risk is about enlarging your comfort zone so you can grow and become fuller and more happy. Risk is not about hurting yourself or others. Taking a little risk every day is a discipline that pays off when you look at your life and realize, hey, there's nothing holding me back.

Therein lies the rub - we have to risk a little, and yes, apply discipline (this is a reminder to myself as well )

And before I forget again, yes, Slowly was a deliberate choice because impatience was my biggest hurdle. It took a long time to settle into a new pace, and I have to say, it has been worth the effort.

Slowly