Glad that I haven't confessed to finding his notes about him "cheating" on me because I'm obviously not ready. He hasn't confessed to cheating and is obviously not ready either.
We spent the whole weekend together, as agreed, but it felt forced and obligatory, by both of us. In his off time, I think he was sulking for having to be there. In my off time, I kept thinking, do I really want this? to stay with such a dishonorable, self-absorbed, lying, cheating H? How do I stop doing this?
Also feeling sex-crazed lately, always the one to initiate. Then I feel bad about it after, feeling sexually competitive with OW and feeling that I do it only to feel some moment of love/affection from H. What's wrong with me? Have I become needy?
Have been very anxious about this coming weekend, it's our 5th wedding anniversary. I brought it up, again. He keeps forgetting, asked if we were getting each other gifts, what ideas did I have for plans. Me: I don't know, that's why I keep asking you, suggested maybe an overnight at a hotel downtown. So H is going to check it out.
I should be glad that's H is willing to work on M but suspect that he's just going through the motions. I need to get back to serious DBing with patience and PMA but am having trouble doing it.
