Need advice on WAW with OM

[svejk]

Lin,

Thanks for your post. Wow, 2 years, I wish I could have that kind of patience, but I doubt I ever will. I've only been separated for 6 months and I am seriously considering ending it soon. The only reason I've been able to hang on this long is because of the help on this forum.

The first 5 months I was certainly driving my wife further and further away by not giving her space and constantly trying to question what she was doing. The last few weeks I've been doing things right when dealing with her while venting my frustrations on this forum.

The last few weeks I have given her space and our only contact has been initiated by her. Even then I didn't handle it very well until the last couple of weeks, when I finally stopped talking about our relationship and just letting her choose what we talk about. And I've finally started to GAL and she has noticed and commented on the changes she has seen in the last couple weeks.

The problem is I know for a fact that she has had physical relationships while we've been separated because she told me. You are right that I am assuming she is having one now, but there is a lot of evidence that she is. I don't talk to her about it and keep it to myself. She brings up OM I think just to see how I will react. The last few times she has brought up OM I have outwardly ignored it, even though I was burning inside. She told me yesterday that her friends set her up on a blind date but it didn't work out. I said nothing and ignored it. She is probably testing me, but telling me this information is simply cruel on her part.

So you are right that I am driving myself crazy by checking up on her, but she doesn't know that I'm checking up on her. I'm trying to stop, but the pain of knowing she has been with other men is unbearable.

I completely understand your point that if she comes back she needs it to be on her terms without being coerced, but in the meantime I think she keeps contact with me to keep me hanging in there so that she knows she has someone to come back to, while she plays the field. She tells me that she really misses me and she hopes things work out between us. I think I am her safety blanket and I don't know if I should or how I can let her know that this is unacceptable to me. I'm always there for her when she needs something and it's hard for me to stop and she knows it. She even asked me the other day if I had been dating someone else and she was very relieved when I said no.

Even though I didn't ask about labor day, or about any future plans involving us together, she made sure to let me know that she had plans for labor day and that I shouldn't ask her to do anything over labor day.

BTW, all this contact and conversation is initiated by her, so I'm not even trying to get any info out of her anymore.

Simply put, I understand that her behavior is probably normal for a WAW. I'm just not sure I can handle it for as long as it's going to take, but I'm trying.

Svejk