Monday morning & I just finished catching up with all of you here after the wkend. I'll get back with actual responses later. Delia's post was particularly excellent!
I had so many changes this weekend I had a hard time keeping up with them myself.
Leaving out most of the details;
-Friday & Saturday were tough. Obsessed about H, his R w/OW & chances of us getting back together after separation. {wanted to add in here, that reading posts such as the one from Snakes on the slim chances you have to save your marriage after separation, did nothing but drag me down & weaken my resolve. I'm staying away from the negative spin from here on out, including convo's with non-DB informed friends & family) Made many calls to Nomo, interrupting his Florida get-a-way, & recovered for bits of time. -Had a couple of friends over after a party on Saturday & stayed up very late talking. Conversation got around to my sitch & by the time they left around 2am, I was emotionally depleted. I got lots of, "This guy doesn't love or care about you or wouldn't have left" & "obviously he's in love with OW, face it & move on, what are you waiting for?"
Sunday, I'm working out in the garden that's been neglected for months & I all of a sudden had a sort of collage of clips of H telling me things. Almost like a movie trailer, starting with the "bomb" & ending with the last I saw him b/f he left on his 2 wk trip. It all made sense. I could see through his eyes why he had to leave. It wasn't to be with another W. I read where when there's an A, it's not to find another to replace you. It's to take the pressure off the M. If there is no A & the M is in trouble there are generally 2 choices; Solve the problem(s) or get a D. Adding a 3rd person or A, gives you more options. It relieves pressure off the M b/c then you can create distance & time by making it appear you're undecided about who to choose. Like adding a 3rd leg to a 2 legged table for stability.
I know for sure I was not going to be making any changes with out my H leaving me. I can see now how difficult & painful it is for him to have had to do that & why he had to push me away when I tried to bring him back. It would have been a big mistake to have reconciled b/f I "got" that.
Now that I have, It's a different world. The OW doesn't bother me & I think it's a good thing to have the space & distance to really make the necessary healthy choices. He's not "The bad Guy" anymore.
He was left with few options & made prolly the best decision he could have. If he hadn't, I would have likely continued to wear that same "sweater" & be as stuck in my mind as I had been for a long time.
For the first time in a really long time, I'm enjoying my house, my kids, my space & myself.
The pressure is lifted off & I'm not anxious about the ending/beginning anymore.
