CVA - I think you hit the nail on the head. We were actually just trying to have kids right before this happened. I had gone off the pill in mar/apr. Feel free to call me a slob - I admit that I was - key word being "was". I never thought it was a big deal, but I realize now how inconsiderate it is to someone that you are living with (I never lived on my own before - I went straight from my parents house to being married). As far as the sex thing - I think I was in major denial and ignoring the issue & it was a big issue. I felt like all the fun & romance in sex was gone. There was no passionate kissing, no real forplay and I felt as though alot of my needs there weren't being met. I was scared to hurt his feelings to tell him what I really wanted & needed. All simple things really that I am sure he probably would have done if I had the courage to come right out and ask for it. I talked with my girlfriends about it and they all seemed to have the same problems so I let myself believe that it was just OK or that it would get better. But I realize that was me just being complacent and settling. If you would have asked me 7 yrs ago if I would ever be in a marriage like that - I would have said "hell no - I would never let that happen!". But somehow I did...
I recognize all of these things now though - unfortunately I guess it may be too late. I see so many things that I did wrong in the M - but I also see so many things that he did that really bothered me that I just accepted. Both of us did not do a good job of being open to the others complaints/criticisms. I often did not listen and became defensive as did he.
That is why I thought that MC would really help us b/c in alot of ways we are a really good fit together. We are both physically attractive, like the same forms of entertainment, have a great social circle, both have great jobs/income & truly have alot of fun together. We (me in particular) just need to learn better communication & listening skills.
But I don't know how we can ever get out of the mess we are currently in. Like I have said in my prior posts, each day that goes by living like this, I feel like our love dies more and more... That is why a couple of times I have thought that him moving out might actually be a good thing - but I don't have the heart to ask him to leave - it would have to be his decision which as of right now, it looks like he is not making.
