Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

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a little journaling to help get my head clear so I can get some work done...

This situation is so confusing. My W was here last week, and I took her on a date. It was very nice, or as nice as our sitch allows. She called me yesterday, before the kids were up, to talk just to me (I was uncharacteristically still asleep, and probably not the most interesting conversationalist). So there are many little positives. But, there is very little movement. It seems so slow. Does she want to work on us or doesn't she? Has she made up her mind or not?

What I'm wondering right now is - is my W telling me she is working on us, has made up her mind, but she can't just come out and say it. By keeping my distance, assuming that nothing is settled, that she hasn't made up her mind, that the divorce papers could come any day, am I being smart or pushing her away?

As always, I come back to the same place. Patience. Balance. I have to balance all of the emotions and actions. Finding the balance point is hard, and it can change daily. Some days I think I need to show my love to her, others I need to back off. Some days she is moving toward me, some away. Some days I am moving toward her, some days I'm moving away.