Nomopo's Sitch - Patience, Patience, Patience

[Nomopo]

Hi slowly.

So, I guess this is a heads-up, depending on how W processes these poor choices she has been making, she may just want to move on, and not dwell on amplifying the pain.

I knew that, despite what I wrote and I can live with it.

on a subconscious level mostly, if not entirely (I didn't realize it until some time in the last few weeks/months and somewhat today), because my reaction to abandonment is to become more independent, to say this is not a problem and to deny that I have needs that are not being met. I act as if I don't need intimacy, affection, affirmation, or to hear "I love you" every day

Ummm, what are you doing about this?

I am not sure what you are getting at exactly, so let me try to answer from a few different perspectives. First, I simply am not getting these needs met at this point. I mean intimacy and affection are on hold until W comes home and starts to provide it, until she divorces me or until I move on. I do get affirmation and love (though not the kind you would expect/get form a spouse or committed life partner) from friends and family.

Second, as far as the self awareness part, and understanding more about my needs and defenses, and my independence, etc., which at this point in my journey is most important, I continue to explore that for myself and for my next R (with W or someone else, and with my kids, friends and other family) with my C in IC. I am learning what my needs are, and what my reactions were to not having my needs met, and how that affected me and my Rs with others. It is an AFGE (Another F*cking Growth Experience), and it is awesome.

Third, I am doing some initial, preliminary thinking about what W and I will have to try to work on to make sur emy needs are met in the event of a reconciliation. I fully understand that if we try to work on our M, we both have needs that were unmet before that need to be met this time.

Let me know if you had something else in mind when you asked the question.

Thanks slowly, and big hugs,
Nomo