CVA, I felt/feel your pain every day, Sorry you are/were in such a dark place, You did the right thing, ranting here, instead of confronting your W, I know that you know this.
It is so hard for us, they just don't realize what they are putting us through, I am in your shoes, to this day, I have never gotten an I'm sorry, for anything. and God knows if I ever will. But even if they did say it, could we really believe it? Words are useless, without actions. And the only thing that can bring back trust, once it is broken, is actions, that is how a person should be measured. And when it comes to a WAS, since their head is totally messed up, you can only believe half of their actions. So till they can get it totally together, you only get half the real story.
I did notice, that you said that your W, went to church, no matter if she didn't go with you, this is a good thing, God can lay His hands on her heart, and convict her, there, as well as He could there with you. All she has to do, is be open to Him, and listen. Believe me, as I go down this journey, I have realized that a M, without God is doomed to fail, God created M, and blesses everyone, but when one person believes and the other doesn't then God does understand. I don't know your W, faith, or if she has any, but speaking for mine, she grew up in the church, but on numerous times, told me that she never really understood God, so I tried to convince her to find Him, and then when all else failed I prayed for her, I am still praying for her to find Him. He is the only one who can fix what is broken. It sounds like to me, yours and my W, ought to get together, and go to church, together, let them feel the shame for what they have done, but let God be the one, to convict, not us.
Bet you didn't see that one, coming from me, LOL! In recent hard times I have managed to find my faith, it gets me through this, and it is the reason, things have turned around for me and the sitch. No matter what, I know that I will be OK, I have God, W has to make the journey on her own, right now, she thinks she has the OM (well that's a hoot, I'll take God over that any day) but who knows what God has in store for her. The only advice I can really offer you is pray for her to listen to God, and do the same yourself, Now you don't have to be a religious nut, or a bible thumper, you just have to believe, that is all, God asks nothing more of us. I will pray for you and your W, Take care
