First of all, I'd like to say that Michele Weiner-Davis should be commended for her work! As for my story, it may not be as short as I'd like, but here goes...
I'm 24 and my 'wife' is 21, we're not actually married but are/were totally committed. We've been together for nearly 7 years. I got a new job in Sept 06 and that very week our son was born. Things were great as usual for the first 3-4 months until I became addicted to a game called World of Warcraft(aka WoW). I would work noon-11pm and when not working, I'd be playing the game, most of the time.
I checked out of the relationship and I wasn't the best father I could be either. She had to do most of the stuff around the house while taking care of our son. She would do things every now and then to get my attention and to get me away from the game, but I took her for granted and all but ignored her. Around the end of May, we began arguing more and more; by July it had become a daily thing. So, we began going to couples therapy.
Sunday July 15th, we decided it would be best for us to take some time apart from each other, to think, so she went to stay with her mother here in town. The very next day was tough, I couldn't sleep, I literally could not taste(lost 13lbs in past 3 weeks), I was depressed, miserable and lost. I went to the library and picked up Divorce Remedy and began reading. I began to see things more clearly and in a totally new light. Needless to say, I don't play WoW anymore, at all.
Thursday, I asked her if she'd like to come back home and see how we could do. I let her sleep in the bed with our son, while I slept on the couch. The next morning she grabbed my phone on accident, instead of hers, to head out shopping. I went to tell her and noticed a number on her phone, with a special ringtone and a provocative picture of her when it called. I called it, it was another guy. Rather than confronting her about it, I did some investigating and found where the number came from. I put monitoring software on our computer and saw some emails that she had been sending to this other man dating back to April 07 and that he lived a few states away. The irony was that she met him on the game I was playing and he was a 'friend' of mine in the game.
At our next therapy session I revealed what I had found out. She admitted she had been talking to him on the phone for hours almost every day, while I was at work. She also told me that she was going to fly out and see him in August. I hated the idea, but I went along with it in hopes that what she found would not be everything she had hoped for. She was gone from Aug 6th-9th and now she considers herself in a relationship with him and tells him/me she loves him.
We're still living together; and ever since I stopped pleading, begging, pointing out good times, etc, things between us are much more civil and we've been having fun together. However, she still feels that she loves me but is not IN love with me. She doesn't plan to stop seeing this other man and they're making arrangements for another flight in the months to come. I don't know what to do, she says she doesn't want to work on our relationship anymore, she said my efforts happened too late, that maybe if it was months ago things could change.
To end on a positive note, I have been applying some of the methods in DR and have noticed dramatic changes between us. Only 3 weeks ago we were not talking, rarely hugging and were both uncomfortable in each other's presence. I have noticed many baby steps since then, we're sleeping (clothed) in the same bed again, we've gone out dancing together at the club the past 2 Fridays, we compliment each other, etc. Though small, those are HUGE improvements from a month ago.
I just worry though because she's still talking to this guy and they both seem to care about each other. Have any of you been in this situation? What do you all suggest?
PS: I'll keep my thread updated as time passes and I welcome and appreciate all input from everyone.
