Well, I always said "you cheat, you're gone" and then when it actually happened, 4 times at that, you realize until something really happens to you, you have NO IDEA how you will truly react/act.
How very very true.I always thought the same and that has been where this place has helped me so very very much. In my 'real world', for want of a better expression, this is what seems to happen and my friends don't seem to understand how I can stay with my H. Even tho' they try to be supportive they alaways slip in the odd "Well I wouldn't be able to............" and then go on to say what it is they wouldn't have been able to put up with or tolerate. And they just don't seem to know just how painfull and soul destroying it is to hear them say those things. Many is the time I have managed to hold myself together until I shut my own front door and then I just fall apart.
These times are getting less and less tho'. So keep talking to US Cades because we are here and we KNOW how hard it is to do what you are doing and we KNOW it gets better.
Lots of Love
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I was going to post yesterday, but ran out of time. :P
Your previous post about what you are excited about/looking forward to and the things you are planning to get out and do for yourself sounds great. I know how hard it is to leave the kids with others and go do 'un-necessary' things for yourself. But I think it's vital, especially when you bear 100% of the burden of caring for three busy boys yourself. They need for you to be refreshed and relaxed as much as you need it. BTDT.
Saffie, Cat and Sara are all right as well--it is normal to be up and down about the sitch. It takes time to work through the shadow of the OW, and it takes truckloads of time to restore trust. In the meantime, just take each day as it comes. Acknowledge your feelings--recognize them for what they really are: fear, etc, and then lay them down and pick up thoughts that make you feel better about yourself...that bring you back to the REAL Kelly, the girl who is strong, confident, and beautiful.
You guys help me SO much. I, like Saffie, sometimes feel like I want to just up & leave. I actually told H that during the D sitch: don't you think sometimes I just want to get in the car & drive away and never come back? But, the difference is/was that's not an option for me. Obviously, I love my H or I wouldn't still be here and I wouldn't have been able to stand by him and support him through the whole D sitch. I know I've done the "right thing" and it will all work out in time. Patience has always been the name of the game around here
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I think the one thing that I'm having the hardest time with is the fact that I don't see my H the same way anymore. Even before, when I knew about the other A's, I feel differently this time after this last EA & the whole D sitch. I guess probably b/c I never knew that MY H could/would do the things he has done and said the things he has said to me. He just doesn't seem like the same person to me anymore. I know that we need and will rebuild a "new" R/M, but it still just kind of bums me out. I guess I just need to stay positive that, once he gets back and I have the opportunity, I will see him differently, yes, but in a more positive light once I truly see his devotion to me & the family on a more consistent basis and w/ him actually here daily.
Got a few new dresses today for my trip to see him. He likes me in dresses/skirts so I found some cute sundresses. He bought me that one, as he calls it, "spank my a$$" outfit over there, so taht's waiting & then I also got a really cute camo (yes, camo) little shorts & cami set. I'm going to go shopping for some new undies & bras before I go. I can't believe it's only 2 1/2 weeks away. We're both very excited. We're going to go see a palace in Seoul and some other things before we actually have to go down to where he is working to stay for the week.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Make it a truly great trip to remember. Our first trip by ourselves after 'making up' was to Marrakech and I still feel all warm and glowy inside when I think about it. It's where I try to go in my head on my 'bad' days - on those days when I think that even now the pain is too much to bear and leaving would put a 'cap' on it all. I know that working on the R is going to be an ongoing thing forever now, and we have lost some of our innocence along the way, but hopefully we are all the stronger for it all, however much we regret what has happened in the past.
Make the future yours and make it a good one.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Latest is that H says he is so excited that I'm coming that he can barely stand it. I leave 2 weeks from Thursday, but don't actually get there until Friday. 14 hour flight from Dallas to Seoul.
Today was trying. S3 has ear infection. He had been running a pretty high temp all weekend. Today I have had to force the medicine down him and it's been horrible. Hopefully tomorrow will be better in that regard.
I'm trying so very hard every day to remember the positives. I try to imagine how I would be feeling right now had H left and still wanted a D. I should just be so very joyful every day and I'm working on that.
First belly dancing class tomorrow night
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I'm so sorry it was a rough day. Being the mom seems completely overwhelming some days, especially when you don't get a break. I hope your little boy feels better tomorrow. And I hope your class is fun!
Actually ended up in the ER from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. w/ S. He woke up in the middle of the night throwing up & had a temp of 104.3. They gave him an antibiotic shot and I think he's now on the mend.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
