Need Help!!!

[NoDirection]

I honestly do not know why but I feel as lonely as humanely possible right now. My wife and son returned home from a baby shower that kept them there overnight and I am confused because I should be happy that they are back.

I do not know if it is the uncertainty of our marriage that has got me down or the desire to have my wife come back to the relationship.

If this does not work out I know that I will have learned from all of this and be a better person for it. I guess I would prefer it to be with my wife...

[LL44]

I am so sorry!! Sometimes when my H is gone, it feels better, like I am forced to do things on my own. When he comes back (from even a small errand), it reminds me of all that is hard in my life right now.

I am where you are, am trying to fix things because I believe in giving it my all, and I do love who my H was before all of this. But sometimes I don't know what I want either.

You are already a better person, stronger, smarter, more aware of yourself. You will keep being all of those things for yourself and your son.

Being lonely is so very hard, especially if its a new feeling. Take care.

[NoDirection]

I have begun to GAL and move forward. For some reason today was harder than others. One of the most important quotes I got from DR was that "anything worth having was worth waiting for." That is so true here. Being alone in this is not new, it has been for about 2 months.

Thank you for your support. Being able to come here and vent has been a great release for me.

[mkultra]

Remember to act "As if" when they come home. So act as if you are happy to see them cone through the front door. That's what I do and it puts a positive frame for the entire afternoon. My H feels welcome in a home where people care abouthim. I am sure my friends think I am crazy not to throw dishes at his mug, but it is "As if"!

[NoDirection]

Here is the ultimate mixed message. As I went to bed last night I wished her a good night and started down the hallway. I noticed she said good night with a bit of sarcasm and so I returned and asked what was wrong. Earlier in the evening she stated that she was bored. Previously she was bored in the relationship but tonight she was just bored at home. Which is an improvement because she usually will point the finger at me.

So, as the conversation unfolded it came out that she wanted to have sex. It was not "making love," it was just going to be sex. Before anything began she did remind me that it would not change her stance on things which I told her I understood that one night of sex would not change the past three months. I viewed it as sign that she was letting her guard down even though she was so rigid on her stance not changing.

The more I think about it though the more I question it. Afterwards I acted "as if" and went to bed without a hughe outpouring of affection. She did thank me as I went to bed. I pray that it is a step in the right direction not a one time thing that helped her feed an urge...

[LL44]

Sex isn't just sex, ever. I believe that. There are so many emotions involved in it, even if we try to hide them. She wanted to be closer to you, end of story. She knows she can come to you, and even afterwards, you won't try to stifle her with R talk. That helped, I bet.

H and I and have sex twice this weekend (isn't it odd to talk about this with strangers?), for the first time in months. He started it both times, and we both really enjoyed it. Even though I was overcome with emotion about it (even the next day), I went about our lives as if. Hard. And yes, we both agreed that it doesn't 'fix' anything, but felt right.

Have a good day.

[Sara]

A sexual relationship is a good thing to have. It's not the best relationship you could have, but it is good for both of you.

Dr. Anthony Campolo was my professor for Sociology, The Family at UPenn. He is a famous sociologist; used to be an advisor to Clinton. He teaches that there are 3 kids of sex: sex for fun, sex for love and sex for procreation. If both people are having sex for the same reason, then the sex is moral. However, if they are having sex for different reasons, then one person is likely to get hurt.

So you should be on the same page with her -- sex for fun, release of frustrations,etc. Try not to be having sex as an expression of love while she is doing it for fun. But if you are, you won't be the first person to do that. You just might get hurt.

[NoDirection]

I like that response to it. I am not putting too much stock into it. I think it is an improvement from being told that she can not standbeing in the same room as me two weeks ago...

It sure was fun though...

[NoDirection]

Another positive day! My W had pysical therapy today and when she returned home she suggested that we go take care of some shopping that needed to be taken care of. The shops were an hour away.

We had casual banter on the way there as well as on the way back. We even went out to eat after we returned. It feels as if the wall between us is coming down one brick at a time.

She has even cut down the phone calls to the OM. Well she has at least shown me the respect of not talking to him right in front of me. I will take what I can get...

[NoDirection]

This is odd talking to others about this but in the overall picture it is worth it. One of the biggest problems we have had was trust. This definitely shows that is being rebuilt.

Secondly it showed me that she still has feelings for me. In the past she stated that she did not want to be in the same room as me. I can firmly say now that this has changed.

I made it clear too that even with the intimacy, things have not changed and understood the reasons why. I have not talked about it since but things have improved with our overall relationship.