CVA, man, do I hear you. This sucks. Period. Your wife doesn't get it, may never get it. You may never see her on her knees begging for forgiveness for what she's already put you and your kids through, let alone a D. She may walk away and never look back.
And you can always say these things to her face, someday, when it's all over. But you can never, ever un-say them, and I'm not sure you're there yet. Tread lightly, know that you're doing all this for your kids and yourself, and vent here all you like. I don't think you're doing any worse for having read this. You're in hell right now, and you won't be there forever. It WILL get better. Maybe not today, but it will. Take care.
