I think this is a good time for me to reevaluate things. I've been DBing for more than 2 months, giving H tons of space, not starting R talks, not saying ILY, working on my patience (successfully, I would say), trying to GAL. Now I look at the result: H is ready to move out, he's half-way out the door already (bringing things to the apt already). Did I do something wrong? I think I may need to change my approach in some way, but I'm not sure how.
H brought up the $ issue yesterday. He said that he would have to change the amount he transfers to me w/every paycheck because he will have the new rent expense. I responded with "It's not like our house expenses are going to be going down because you're not here." I wish I wasn't so snarky, but I just couldn't help myself. I was expecting this, so I had drawn up a quick budget the day before and figured out that I will be fine. I had to tell him that we needed to talk about this later, when the kids weren't around, and then I went out for another 45 minute walk. He didn't bring it up later and neither did I.
I had a tough day today, as we spent a lot of time together as a family. We went to the beach this morning and it really brought me down. I tried not to show it, but when we got home I had to spend some time alone with my tears. We had a nice dinner together, then went out for ice cream. I would find myself having a good time and then I would remember that he's leaving us and it would hit me like a ton of bricks all over again. I just do not understand it.
With the pending S, I have to set out a new list of goals. That will be my personal project for the next few days. I'm always better when I have a project to work on.
I also need to figure out exactly what this S means. Should I bring this up to him? Should we have "rules"? Do we have to divvy up time with the kids already? Is he expecting to date? Does he think he can some waltzing back whenever he feels like it, for a visit or permanently? Would it be too much to ask him about childproofing the apt? I can't imagine having the kids stay with him there without my seeing it. Actually, I can't imagine the kids staying there at all.
