Ok, your sitch sounds a lot like mine, except for the genders. H and I had become very distant emotionally over the years. 3 boys in 7 years, etc. No real interest in sex/intimacy on my part. H had 2 EA's, supposedly, while deployed, 1 one night stand while deployed. Found out about those while on maternity leave w/ S#2. Found out later he had seen a D lawyer and then we found out I was pregnant w/ S#3.

Ok, so, he never left the house during our whole D sitch. He did leave for 3 days here and a weekend there, but that was it. We knew he was getting deployed in May (he dropped D bomb in January) and he wanted to spend the rest of his time here in the house w/ the boys.

I DB'd my a$$ off. It sucked, yes, but we made it through. I finally asked him the other day what changed his mind. He said simply "I love you." He realized that, yes, we had issues, but we also could work through them. Unfortunately our WAS's don't realize how much effort it takes to keep a R/M going -- especially once we have children. They don't realize that the emotions they are feeling and the excitement of someone "new" happens to so many people, but they most likely will not be happy "on the other side."

My best advice is 'HAVE PATIENCE.' As hard as this is and as much as it sucks, you have GOT to be patient. You have got to just work on you and what you can do to make yourself a better person and figure out what you could have been doing or could change that would make your M better.

I started making sure I spent more quality time w/ H. Instead of just going to bed once the boys were asleep b/c I was exhausted, I made sure that I TALKED to him. He was lonely in his own house and I never knew it. I made sure I was doing my part around the house. It had kind of started being that H was doing a lot of the housework while I dealt w/ the boys. I didn't realize he was doing it so that things would be easier on me and then maybe I would actually spend some more time w/ him.

You honestly just need to continue to love her and be patient. Show her the H that she would not want to leave and would never want to lose.

Me: 38
H: 35
S4, S5, S10
Bomb 01/07
Wanted D - nothing would change his mind
Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb
Piecing 04/07
Deployed for a year 05/07
Still Piecing 2010
M 11 yrs 05/10