I have some different ideas when it comes to this! I know RCR, suprise, suprise, suprise! LOL First, I think you need to know if your WAS, is in MLC or not. In reading many of these stories here, I am of the Opinion that many are not dealing with MLC, but a WAS. What constitutes an MLC? I guess if I knew the true answer to that many of you would be willing to pay me a lot of money! LOL I certainly think many things are definate MLC tendencies. OP, Youthfull actions, changes in what was everyday routine and thought. Something triggers these changes within a person, you just don;t wake up one morning and start acting completely different. Another thing that I think makes up an MLC personnality is the fact that the MLCer will typically not just leave and not look back, many will keep a tight reign on the spouse that is left until they feel completely safe in plunging into the tunnel. Once there in deep do you see a lot of the meaness, uncaring, and unfeeling. I don't think you see it right off the bat. Once the MLCer initally leaves they will do all the convincing of how you don't need them, how this isn't so bad, etc. Once they are in full blown replay, they really start the disconection, spewing, things of that nature. Like any hot fire, it will eventually burn out, once it does, the MLCer will mourn the loss of the OP. I think at this time once depresson sets in do you see the thinking of the MLCer change. I think they start doing the whatif game about the LBS. Whatif I gave it a chance, whatif I had tried, whatif I hadn;t done what I did etc. I think its a this time the MLCer might try to reconnect. I think many of them are simply too ashamed or too proud to admit that they did any wrong, thus they do not try to reconnect. I have a serious question to ask about reconnection; Do you really want them back? What requirements would have to be met to open yourself to a reconnection/reconsilliation? Would you take them back without them showing remorse or apologizing for thier actions? If your answer is yes, I think that you are setting yourself up for hurt later on down the road. I know many here disagree with this statement, but I am of the opinion that if someone put you though utter and total hell for a number of years and came back without any regret, apologies, or remorse, you are dealing with someone who has no respect for you and is just settling for you until someone else comes along. I know that my remarks are going to have a lot of opinions, and I welcome them, just don;t take my comments personally.
