I often feel like he doesn't/can't tell me his true feelings or opinions. And it is not just me, it is that way with our friends/family as well...
Yep, sounds familiar!
Originally Posted By: savingus77
He has not gone back to see the C again. It is just seperate IC that we are each doing (not MC). But he has told me that he has another appt. He didn't tell me when it is, but I saw a paper lying around with the 23rd written on it - so nothing is going to be happening quickly. He has asked me about my sessions & I have talked openly with him about them. He said, I hope you are not just focusing on the R and dealing with "your" issues. While he is right, I intend to do both. Also the biggest "issue" I have now, is the R so it is kinda hard to avoid.
Can you actually see that this is positive? Asking about your session, that is very good.
Originally Posted By: savingus77
He did bring up the book 1-2 times so I believe that he did read it - but not sure if that helped at all.
Uhhhh, it helped, trust me, this stuff sits there, it takes time!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Does he know you will be staying over at a friend's tonight?
If he took the time to read the book, then he is definitely not through with this relationship! It may take time to sink in, but just the fact that he read it is a great sign. I know it is easier to be optimistic when you are on the outside of the situation, but it doesn't seem at all hopeless to me. Just keep it up!
Me: 30 H: 28 Separated: 06/01/07 D bomb: 07/17/07 after me pushing and pushing! #2 bomb: 08/13/07 Once again, I pushed!! #3 bomb: 01/08/08 Previous Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1322680&page=0&fpart=1
I did tell him I was staying at a friends house on fri.night. For the most part - we have been letting each other know when/where we are out. BUT - last night he didn't come home! I got in late on Sat. night - left a voicemail for him to let him know and there was a note that he went over his(our) friend's house. I woke at 3am and found he was still not home. This happened 1x before and I told him how it made me upset/made me worry and he apologized so I can't believe he would be so incosiderate and do it again. It is 9:30am now and still no word from him. I am not sure how I am going to handle this one - right now I am so angry at the whole thing - for allowing myself to be treated this way. All he would have to do is pick up the phone and say "I'm staying over so&so's" and all I would say is "OK, thanks for calling" - no questions or anything & he knows that.
SU77 Stay away from any confrontation about him not coming home. That will push him away. You are still in the same house and he is going to C. In my sitch my W and I have been going to IC seeing two differant C. This has been going on since June and the other day she told me over the phone after C she was leaning towards D, we got into a R talk about "my isues" she presented to me. Each issue brought up had been dealt with and I let her know the results, she ended up going back in for another session. Hour later she called and asked that I setup a joint MC session. What happen in that hour who knows but it will be either a start of working things out or the begining of the end of our M.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
The same I guess... I got myself centered after my post above and I did not confront him when he came home. He walked in the door and both of us just kinda looked at each like we knew what the other was thinking (him= I got wasted and knew I should have called, me= damn right you should have called) and I left it at that. There has been minor chitchat here and there today & we grabbed takeout from the deli (mostly in silence) but not much more than that. I keep wanting to say "Is there anything you want to talk about?" - but I don't know...
S Dont say anything, use the "will what I am about to say help or hurt the sitch / R?". Most likely, it will not help so zip it if you can!
Struggling with that myself right now. Was in a good mood around noon so put a call into W to see how kids were doing and what they were going to do today. No call back. TIME TO BITE MY TONGUE!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Thanks CVA. I noticed your Bomb date as 3/2 so you have been at this for quite some time now, huh? My therapist, friends, family are all asking me how long I will keep doing this & I say as of right now I don't know. I am about 2 months in...
Do you have any kind of timeframe in your mind of when you feel that you have done everything to fight for your marriage and you would feel it best to move on?
I have thoughts on it. I am sort of going on the 1 year scenario though I expect (just a gut feel) that W will say something one way or another before then. 1 mos for each year? That would be 13 mos in my case.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I have read/heard the estimate of 1mo/yr. I give you alot of credit for being as diligent as you have been for so long. I don't think I would be able to go that long. We don't have any children yet so it makes things a little less complicated. I actually feel as though I am nearing my end. For me, it is all about his ways these next couple of days/weeks. If I see any progress at all or if he tells me anything positive, I will continue to endure this - if not, I think would need to let it go.
