Do YOU really want a divorce? Think very carefully about that before signing anything with a lawyer. For one thing, by you starting the ball rolling you are making your husband's decision much easier because he can always look back and say YOU were the one who filed (my friend's husband did this to her and my husband WANTED me to be the one who filed so he wouldn't have it on his conscience). You are also helping out OW. I'm sure she'd be VERY HAPPY about it. Do you want that?
No, I do not want a divorce, and I know I said it here that I was ready to file, I sat on it a bit, and believe that yes, he needs to be the one. I already made it easy on him, and let him move out, and gave him the go ahead to run off and live his little fantasy life with the OW. He is not the type to do anything like file so honestly I would be utterly shocked if he ever did. Yes, I spoke with a lawyer, and no I can not afford one, so not going to even go down that path. But, do you think it is a bad idea for me to file the child support paperwork and the custody paperwork? I know that is one step closer to a divorce but right now H is giving me way more money then he should, and I feel like I need to get those things signed and filed to protect me and the kids. Then if he does get off his butt and file divorce that is not anything to worry about. As long as H knows that it is just that, and not any part of me filing divorce, would it hurt. Or am I better off just leaving it all alone, any sort of paperwork, is seen as me going for the divorce? I am so very confused.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Sheesh!!! Let him be the one to deal with that! Let him be the one entirely responsible for everything while you were nice, perfect, supportive, and the PERFECT wife he was stupid enough to leave. Make sure you always act in such a way that he when doubt does finally spring up (and it will!!!!) he will always wonder if he made the right choise, and ENTIRELY REGRET IT. Do not think time doesn't change things... it can change things RADICALLY. Unless you feel whole, clear-headed, healed and ready to start a life entirely without him then DON"T FILE!!!! Don't even talk about divorce!!!! I always made that mistake. The divorce threat. Just don't go there unless you are 100% ready and have had MANY MONTHS to consider it.
He hasn't brought up divorce since about three weeks ago when we had a huge fight. Even with our little R texting the other day, that never came up. As much as what he said about loving the OW and being bonded with her in a different way then us (which my friend just say means they built a bond based on misery since they commiserated with each other about their awful relationships). I still can tell he is confused, and try not to listen to what he says, and realize he is saying it to convince himself more then me. I am really at this point trying to work on GAL and detaching because when I start doing that, I start feeling better about myself and stop obsessing about my next 'move'.
