I hear what you are saying, it makes sense. Though I find myself in conversations that I really do not want to be having with my W because I know how they will turn out. I guess this is a 180 that I need to make. I bet if I do not allow her to bother me it will drive her crazy. She does know me well and knows that her words cut right to the core of me. I sometimes think we need time apart before we can start even trying, as you said, to talk like beginners.
I had a real interesting day yesterday. It started off with my interactions with my W in the morning which got me upset. Then I ended up hanging out with my one friends(whose W cheated on him twice) most of the afternoon and night.
Hopefully I can write all that occured yesterday coherently for everyone. My W yesterday brought our girls to my friends campground where he has a camper setup for the summer. She meet up with her girlfriend and her girlfriends sister. Guess what? They all are infidels, maybe this was an IA meeting. Who knows. So my W was with my friends W(whom I hungout with yesterday) and her sister with all our kids. I have no idea what was said and done there. Now for the interesting part.
Once my friend got to my house we went and grabbed a bite to eat. During lunch I listened to him for the most part and asked him a bunch of questions probing for what he knows about what his W has done in the past. They for the second time in their M are seperated because his W needs space. This time she admitted that there was OM(3 times now) that she was talking to and that they were just friends. After talking to him for a while I finally told him what I knew about the previous 2 acts of betrayl by his W. Now knowing this and from talking with me yesterday I believe he is going to finally stop pursueing his W. I gave him my DR book and told him to read through it twice. I also made him promise me that he would not make any decisions inregards to the new info that I gave until he sleeps on it for 48hrs and until we can get together again to talk about whatever he decides to do. I warned him that there is no magic bullet for getting through this and making your W comeback and work on your M. I can only help him with what I have read and experianced. Ultimately he needs to make a decisions that he can live with. I said to him you need to be able to look at yourself and your kids and know that you did what was best for them and yourself.
I do have to be careful in how I talk to him and the advice that I am giving him. He even mentioned that I was a like a mentor to him and he respects what I have to say. I am glad that he trusts me but I do not want to say anything that will hurt his chance at reconciling wit his W, I also want to help him.
He did tell me a lot about what my W was telling his W while they were still together. He also told me his W's point of view on my sitch from when she was still at home. I guess my W was starting to get on his W nerves because everyday when she called the conversation was all about my W. My W is also really insecure about her friendships...really about losing friends. I guess there was one day that my W was telling his W that she felt that their friendship was drifting.....He did not know everything my W said, but, his W ended up getting loud with my W telling her she was acting crazy. I guess my W can still drive others away with her insecurities. I know that in our M I have held her more then once while she cried about a percieved loss of a friendship.
