New to DB, need guidance

[Nomopo]

Hi BB! Hope you are well. And, yes, the SEC is still the most powerful! (Mind if we hijack a bit more?)

Hi bar,

Do you have your own thread?

Hi Nomopo
My H hasn't left yet but I think it's coming. I plan not to contact him but to be upbeat if he contacts me. My problem will be that our adult son lives with me and I am sure my H will ask him about me. I am going to have to keep being upbeat so my son doesn't report negative behaviours to his father. This will be hard. I'd love to be able to let go and scream the house down and get pissed out of my mind. Having said that my son is often out so I suppose I'd manage. I don't really want to involve my son unnecessarily.

Everything you say you plan to do and how you say you will handle this is perfect. If oyu need to get a away to scream and let it out somewhere on your own, do it. It's normal. But try your hardest to be as happy, positive, upbeat, stable and fun around H. It's hard and you will slip up. Don't worry about it. Recognize it, and then get back on your horse and try again.

He says I'm having a ggod time and not taking him seriously. I worry that my GALing has gone too far and he thinks I just don't care.

What does he think you don't take him seriously about? This is probably very important. He likely needs to feel that what he is struggling with is understood (validated) by you. If you could do that without getting into an R talk or your needs, it could be good. The key is to say I understand compassionately when he tells you what he feels (or whatever you are not taking seriously), and not trying/pushing for more.

The other day he was looking for me and couldn't find me as I have a large garden and was reading behind a big shrub. It was really funny to see him pursuing me for a change!

Well this is good. But he almost certainly needs to be validated (especially if that is part of what led you two apart in the first place) if he feels understood by you.

Nomo