bar...I have to ask this because this was very hard for me personally...my H also blamed me for everything and I stood there thinking "you had other options for our problems besides an A!"...but in time I really listened to things that he said he was unhappy about with me...NOT that I allowed that to be an excuse!!!...I realized there was a lot of changes that I needed to make...not just for H but for anyone I had R's with, including my own children...some of his issues were that I didn't listen to him, I made all the decisions and if he didn't agree it was a fight, I had to be right, and the list goes on...I didn't totally agree completely with his statements but could see how he felt about parts of these issues...so that is where I put my focus to be a better person...to work on me and to stop expecting this HUGE apology and sudden bright-light transformation from H...it took time...mostly for him to see that I was serious about myself...and that I was not doing this to get him back...
It took time but it worked...the dynamics of R are totally different now...not perfect! but much much better then before...H is now happy and so am I!...So...have you made changes in yourself...ones related to things that H might have told you...
I know it is so very hard to admit our own faults especially when they are pointed out by a cheating, lying spouse...but I truly believe that this made the biggest difference...and I have seen this again and again...believe me, I fought change in myself for a long time...my friends like me like I was, my kids said I was a great mom, my parents and family said I was a good person...so why did "I NEED TO CHANGE?"...because I could be better...and because I could be better in a way that I would be happier with myself and as it turned out, H could be happy with me again....
Bar...I am not placing any blame on you for your H's actions...but our actions do bring about reactions...if you are not getting the reaction you want from H...then try changing your actions...not just to please him...but to better yourself!
It is hard...I had to look deep...but it was worth it!
