Like we never loved before 4

[bright 2 morro]

Yesterday was much better. I really did not talk to him much. I did not rely on him at all. At the begining of the week I told him I had to get a babysitter so I could go to the eyedoctors. He asked why he could not do it. He said he would take the day off and be there for me to go. I said ok and did not get a sitter. Well yesterday came and he went to work.

How ironic. So I actually took all three kids with me. When he came home at lunch he said he thought it was on Friday so he took today off. No that is just a cover up. Because don't you know that he made C session at the time my appointment would have been at if it was in fact on Friday. So I would have been stuck either way.

I did not argue this point with him. I just let it go and did my own thing. I was nice to him if he was nice to me but I did not initiate any convo with him.

I feel much more calm doing this.

Mimi

[Cinderellaman]

Well done Mimi !

We must be responsible for our own life, then after a whil you will see that he will start making more effort once he sees that you are managing fine without him and not even complaining. Remember to do him favours once in a while...things you know he might appreciate...do not expect anything in return. But know that one day, he will do things in return....you'll see !

Hope your day is going well !!! xxx

[bright 2 morro]

Thank you Cinders.

I had another great day with my new strength that I found. I have not let him get to me. Even when he yelled at me earlier he I said that I did not want to talk to him at that moment and told him that I had to get off the phone.

It felt good.

This is day 3 of the disconnect.

Mimi

[bright 2 morro]

My H talked to me last night. He told me he was really afraid. I asked him what he was afraid of. He is afraid of leaving the kids, upsetting the kids, staying here for the wrong reasons, leaving and still not being happy, making the wrong decision about staying or leaving.

Right now he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and can not choose which way to go because no matter which path he chooses the weight may be to much to bare.

I basically just listened and told him that I could not even imagine what he was going through. I did tell him that he has control over his own fate. That no matter what he chooses he is the only one who can make that work. But that he has to be willing to do whatever it takes to make happiness. I told him that I still have hope for our marriage, because there is still a lot of love between us. I still love him and he agreed that he still loved me but he was just unhappy. So I still have hope.

I told him I would be there for him if he needs me and I want to help him. I then told him that over the last three days I have had to learn that I have to be happy with myself before I can be happy with life around me. And that that is the key to being truly happy.

He started to cry and told me that it was easier for me because I was not choosing to leave the kids. I tried to talk to some more and he just said that he could not talk at that moment and he left my room.

I actually let him go I did not chase after him, I went to bed and fell asleep.

Mimi

[bright 2 morro]

Hi all,
I had a decent day yesterday. I brought my D to the movies to see the Bratz Movie. Then I came home and spent the afternoon with my kids. I thought it was funny that as soon as I got home my H had to run out.

I told him I wanted to run out last night and he said oh I was going to go out but you asked first. So I went out. Again very funny but when I got home at 11:30pm he had to run out for a while. He got home at 3am.

I went to Barnes and noble last night and spent 3 hours there. And then I went and hung out by the river near our house.

It was kind of relaxing and yet I came home to stress again.

My H is so stuck in his own world that he all he cares about is how he feels about things not how they will hurt others or how he may not be making the right decision about things.

It is very sad to see.

Mimi

[forward]

MM, I am glad that your H at least tells you he cares, but I am sorry that he continues to jerk you around.

Have you thought about some boundaries to set?

My H doesn't express any regret and in fact seemed quite happy tonight.

[bright 2 morro]

HI Breton
Thank you for stopping by.

It has been another wild week. I have such a hard time getting to the boards each day because it is so busy. I can not do it at work because I am so jam packed. I was the only one at work this week on my team everyone else was out so I had to handle a lot of work for my other team members. Very Busy. Then I come home and have to deal with the kids (I really have 3 but sometimes I feel like it is 4).

On Monday we took my H out for dinner for his Bday. That was fun. We had a good time. Shocking. But by Wednesday he was an a$$ again.

The one good thing is that I have not let him bate me into an arguement.

I really think that he tries to bate me but I do not bite. There have been several incidences this week that I know it was a bate now. I just go on with my life.

I have worked really hard to get here and it gets easier everyday.

But I am very tired. The last several nights I was in bed before 9. Last night I think I was asleep before my D9 even went to bed.

I am taking some great courses through the insurance company. One is a biweekly phone call with a Nurse she calls and we set goals and try to work through the depression with stress reduction and goal setting. They send me information in the mail and then we talk about them. Then the other program is a Personal Health improvement program. It is a six week program it has a group phone call once a week and there are DVD's workbooks, CD's etc. It helps reduce stress, relaxation, getting along with difficult people. How to find Joy in your life, finding things that make you happy.

I can not wait to start the program.

Anyway, I will try hard to stop by more often but I seem to run out of time during the week.

Mimi

[bright 2 morro]

It has been a while since I have posted or visited the boards. I have stopped by to read but I have not posted. It has been a time of soul searching and finding me and happiness. I know that I am not fully there yet but I am much closer.

I have started to get interest in things I used to do. I have actually also started to do some of those things. That is a sign that I am getting better and that I am moving on with my own life. The only not so good feelings that I have are that I am starting to want to see what other fish in the sea there are. I want to stand for my marriage but what if it never really comes back to what I want. I know that is a possibility. And I am ok with that. Because I know now that I will be ok without him and that I do deserve better than what I have now. I am actually starting to like myself and realize that I am a great person and deserve to be treated like I am this type of person.

As far as things with my H. Things have gotten much better. We are really trying not to argue with each other. And when he is not in a good mood I am trying really hard not to react to him. I have realized what reacting does to my body and I can not keep doing that. He is trying to find the source of his unhappiness and figure out what will make him happy.

I only have to hope that he figures it out sooner or later because like I said I am moving on with my own life and feeling better about it and myself. I may out grow him and this marriage before he figures it out. But that would not be my problem that would be his.

I am in control.

Thank you to everyone here for the support and help.

[bright 2 morro]

HI Everyone.
I just wanted to post and say that everything is going well. I went to my therapist on Wednesday and she said that I am doing very well. That I have come a long way. I feel like I have come a long way. I am responding not reacting more and more. I am begining to feel really feel good about myself.

I hope everyone is doing well.

b2m

[bright 2 morro]

Hi

I am back. I would love to say that everything is great and I am back with my H but I can not say that. It has been a rough road and that has kept me away from here. My H has moved out again for what I think may be the 4th or 5th time. I do have to say that because of this place I am in a much better place this time then I was before. I am a much stronger person than I was when I was here before.

That is the good thing. The bad thing is now I do not know what to do to stop the anger and meanness from my H. He has turned back into the awefull person he was the first time he moved out.

I have tried everything not talking to him, not arguing with him, working with him. Nothing seems to work. He is hounding me to make agreements with him without lawyers. But he wants me to agree to less than what the state would award.

Should I go get a lawyer and start to file for legal seperation?

Anyone have any advice.

Mimi