My wife wants out !!

[dadtotwo]

Sandi2,

Thanks for the insight on what a W sees in the OM. The EA started after we had money problems. I think this has started up within the last 2 months.

I have taken responsibility for our money problems. I am also working nights and weekends while interviewing for a full time position. My issue is that my W only sees herself as the "victim" and has decided that her life is better without me. We have 2 young children D5,S4 that I am very close with. I feel she is running for the exit because she has someone to go to. I am doing my best to not be judgmental but why does she get to walk away and take my 2 children. I will admit that we have been distant for quite a while as I was always told to just "fix it" which hasn't been easy. We did not communicate nor take time for one another which resulted in her growing resentment. My counselor says that she is currently living a fantasy that is all based on lies and deception. I also must question the character of a man that is taking full advantage of someone who is very vulnerable and is still another man's wife.

She had asked me to move out about 5 weeks ago and that night I caught her on the phone with this OM when I came home late from work. She says that the calls started after she told me she wanted out. She also acknowledged that she would want to date him but didn't want to tell me so she wouldn't hurt me. This whole mess is very confusing and difficult to get a handle on. I want to work on our marriage since we need to work towards getting back our financial footing and reconnecting as a couple.

She has given me the ILYBNILWY speech which was very hurtful. She refuses to accept any responsibility for our marriage problems. Everything falls on my shoulders and now her answer is to leave and get divorced so she can somehow "survive". I just wonder if she would be as quick to quit our marriage if there was not a Plan B(OM) in her mind?

The bottom-line is that I made mistakes with our finances and did not cherish her as a wife should be cherished. She is the most wonderful woman I have ever met and it pains me to be losing her. I have taken steps to get us on track financially and I am going to counseling. I want to make our marriage work and be stronger than it ever was. She sees no point in bothering as her mind is made up and is ready to move to her parents house within the next week. She wanted me to move but I refused because it is not feasible for me financially and she is the one that wants to end our marriage.

My best course of action is to work on improving myself so I can be a better husband and father. I love my D&S very much and I still love my W. I am not a substance abuser nor been abusive to her or my children and have never been unfaithful. Her wedding ring is off and so is her heart to someone else. I still have to believe there is hope but her heart is so hardened towards me.

I appreciate the responses so far from all here.