fil called tonight, and started the convo with saying how sad he was that we were having a rough time, told me that he is there for me, but that he is biased, etc...and loves me. said he knows how hard this is due to his d years ago, saying it still isn't settled.
then he asks if i think there is any hope. i laid it out there, told him i loved her, wanted to work things out and wanted to be with her. then he tells me that she says there is no hope, and that he will be arriving thursday and helping her file if thats what she wants.
he then asks if i would be willing to sit down with him and w, bring my father and the four of us good work out how the d will go down. i told him no, said first off, i'm not involving my family in this, second w and i are adults and anything we can't work out can be handled through mediation, third, we already split the assets, debts, etc. i asked what was left to work out. he said well w says you can't agree on child custody and asked what i want. i said all i want is my s 50% of the time. he obviously had not heard that, since he said, well that is fair whey won't she agree with that. said i didn't know. i told him that i wouldn't meet since it is already worked out, and not that i'm trying to avoid it, but she has to file if she wants this. he asked if i was going to fight her. i said as long as she files on the terms we have discussed i wouldn't have a problem signing it at all.
he then asked if i would at least agree to a beer with him on thursday or friday. i said sure i would love to. i asked how his w was doing and she wasn't well, paid my condolences and said tell her i love her.
dumb move, but then i called w about 30 minutes later. asked her why she was doing it this way and getting everyone involved. she said she can't handle it and needs support. broke down and told her how i felt, she said she wasn't completely sure yet but would think it over for the next few days before her father arrived. she said she just didn't think it was fixable and i told her we could do it together if we were both committed. she said she would think and left it at that.
well my father stopped by, went over everything with him. so the only reason i can think that my fil would ask if i thought there was hope is because he wants to try and save this if possible.
i have made a decision though. w is too far gone and i'm starting to fear she into something that i don't know about and its not an affair.
i'm done, the only way i will committ to this at this point is if she says she wants it and is willing to committ. if i get the lets try counseling because my family asked, i'm not doing it. i either get the ily, i want this to work, lets fix it or i'm done. thinking back over the last year, she has basically stopped the ily's, the entire relationship i can count on one hand the number of i'm sorry's. she has always resented that i did graduate school and that we financially struggled during that time. most w's would be proud and happy with the future to come. i never got gratitude, thank you's, nothing. she contidioned me to respond a lot of the way i did. so what i went fishing one weekend, went twice this year, and that is enough to say i'm gone all the time. that is crap. i don't need a w like that, and i don't want a w like that. i deserve better and this couldn't happen at a better time, just starting out after school, just pen'd the new job. i'm going to get myself set up and pay down some debt. then when it is right i'll start dating and this time with a good head on my shoulders of what matters.
