I'm Sandi2, "Almost Walked Away Wife" from a M of 41+ years. So, it can happen to anyone at any age. I can relate to the money problems. I can tell you that a lot of women find it very difficult to love the H after the respect is lost. I think I sensed your W has lost respect for you and blames you for your financial stress. But....when you brought up about the OM, I have to wonder if she isn't using what YOU did as her ace trump? Perhaps she thinks she "deserves" OM. Let me make a wild guess here....he has money. I can't see her wanting to get involved with a man that doesn't have a good income, b/c the way she looks at it...she already has that. (I'm not trying to hurt you here....ok? I am trying to give you a little insight about how we think.)
Let me ask you this.....was the OM in the picture before or after the money problems? Or, do you know for sure at what point the OM came on the scene?
I think your W sees this as a case where -- if she left you....everyone would be on her side b/c they would probably know about your money problems, so it would look like she wasn't so "bad" to leave you. That leaves--You=bad guy that she couldn't respect....and--she=WAW that needed financial security. That is what I mean by using it as her ace trump card.
I know from personal experience how it can affect a wife. I have to respect my H in order to love him sexually. He has never been very motivated about a career, but I won't get off into that right now. Just let me say that when my H found out about the OM in my life, he almost shut down work of any kind and we almost lost our home as a result. I hope you won't allow that to happen in your case. Did I mention that my OM had a very successful career? Did I mention that my OM had talked about what a promising future I could have with him? It was tempting, to say the least, but that was not what really turned my to him in the beginning. It was the feeling of lonliness and lost intimacy in my MR. I had needs that were not being met. I was having a breakdown like MLC....even though I'm was almost 60! Guess you can have that to happen at any age too!
Don't excuse your W about "supporting the OM through his divorce".....she doesn't have any business supporting his needs or problems. She might as well send him a written invitation for an EA which will lead to a PA.
Read, read, and keep on reading the different threads here on this board. I would never have thought that I would have made as much progress as I have before coming to this board and these wonderful folks, who are now friends, helping me and encouraging me...and yes, giving it to me straight! That is exactly what I needed.
Let me know how things are going.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
