CVA - Angels vs. Devils

[Not Much Left]

Oooh, actually forgot something on my Journal

Probably not too important but want to jot it down.

Last night before we went to bed (her bed, my stupid apt), she was pretty aggrivated by D11 and not packing and getting in that, "Just leave me alone mood", so she kind of snapped at me and I said, "well, why are you so upset about that" in a very kind way, she says "I'm sorry, I am just tired and fed up w/ D11 right now"

Ummmm, her actually saying "I'm sorry" about anything and it WAS not prompted by me and was a real "I'm sorry", not the fake one you get when you ask for it, it pretty huge in my book.


Also, she just called me from the road to tell me D11 needs her shot records sent to the school and did I fax those a while back.
That definitely could have waited so I'll take it!

C

[Not Much Left]

Postng on a Fri night! Nice

Anyway, got some stuff done today so pretty happy about that.
1. Got work done this am.
2. Ran a whole bunch of errands including getting s9 signed up for soccer. For some reason, that was very fulfilling!
3. Got a haircut, the lady cutting my hair said, "you have nice hair (it was shiny from sweat!! ) and it looks fuller" Yeah!!! Propecia working!
4. Driving by a new development near our house and went in just to "window shop". No intention of buying a new house of course, but it was fun to look.
5. Came home and Power Washed the driveway for 2 hrs. 7 hp pwr washer, very manly! My arms are like butter right now. 2 hrs of that thing and you are toast!

Tomorrow a big day.
1. Workout in am
2. Massage at 10, maybe Ill get a hot massage chick
3. Bike!!! purchase
4. Clothes shopping
5. People watch in our town square in evening sipping a red bull / vodka or a starbucks, depends on the mood!
6. Home to watch a movie in my theater room! Loud, 7 speakers, 2 subs, 110" screen, very cool.

Talked to kids and W, no big event.
D11 asked today why I couldnt come just even for 1 day to Dallas to go to the circus w/ them. She is a sweetheart.
Where's my backrub!!! Oh yeah, that's tomorrow mng #2 above!

CVA out.

[Not Much Left]

Had a pretty good day, spent too much $s and didnt even buy the bike yet!

Had my pro backrub this morning. WOW! Best massage I have ever had, not kidding. Just right on pressure, this girl really knew where the "knots" were....ok, get your mind out of the gutter!

W did not call at all today, that sucks as she said she would after kids went to circus.

Found myself suprisingly pissed off today at this thought...W never wants to do anything while we are here, literally wont even go swimming in the backyard and when she goes to Dallas, its, wheeeee, Circus, Water Park. I swear, that just pisses me off to no end and it has always been this way. The Devil is out so gonna get this off my chest. I resent her for this stuff and always have. I am jealous of her willingness to do things with her sister and BIL (whom can do no wrong in her eyes and I think if they would have met before her sister did, they would be married). I want to go with this for a second. He is a "christian" guy who clearly lusts after my W even though he is married to her sister. Whenever he can get her "close" he does. One good example is when he had a motorcycle, my W was up in Dallas without me (suprise) and I get this call and my son says "mom went on a ride w/ BIL on his motorcycle". Yeah, right, he wanted to feel her reaching around holding on with her boobs pressed into his back. Its so transparent, I am still not happy about it when I think of it 2 yrs later. I told her when this happened that it was irresponsible, she has 4 kids and people die on motorcylces all the time. Literally a few months later one of BIL friends died on a motorcycle accident. MMMHH.

I had to get this out, sorry. So, off to the circus they go today, if I had known they wanted to go to the circus (we went last year) I would have taken them. Waterpark tomorrow, my W wont put a swimsuit on around here but hey, when in Dallas!!! WTF. Wow, still mad.


OK, deep breath, will talk to her shortly so better get Good CVA out and be super happy.

Bought an IPOD today (Video one). Dont think I am going to tell her, just that I had a great day, shopped, worked out, got a massage etc. PMA

OK, have a field day Nomo and others, hit me with it. Devil is gone now.

C

[Nomopo]

What do you think about letting go to vm when she calls?

[Not Much Left]

Ummm
Wont get to talk to my kids. Do you think given my history it makes me look mysterious or just like an ass?

[Nomopo]

Fair enough. But you sound angry.

[Not Much Left]

Yep, I know. I will let it go.

Just using the sight to vent as I have no interactions w/ people other than the massage chick today which was not much and thanks to store clerks for me spending tons of money.

[alk24]

CVA,

I think you have a really good chance at reconciling, it's just going to take some time. You've got a lot going for you (re: both in counseling, no OP, etc). I think that you are on the right track and it's great to see how much work you are putting into your R/M.

Just my thoughts, and I'm new so take it for what it's worth.

[Nomopo]

What can you do for fun? Movie? Find a buddy for a beer?

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Bella

Always good to hear kind words, we just need to keep it all in perspective.

Just sitting here firing off a bunch of advice myself (who knows if it is any good? )

THought of one thing and I would really like the crew who has followed me to comment please:

My W has never been "alone" for extended periods. I started thinking about this and I think as a result of always having our children around, or her family, she really has no clue what it is like to feel the "sting" of not having a bunch of loving bodies around (no matter how much they are fighting or causing her grief, they still love you and you feel it). Also as a result, when she leaves w/ kids or I leave on a trip, I really dont think she understands that feeling, know what I mean?

OK, so here is the real question, I have no ability to take the kids away while she feels that "loneliness" us DBers know all too well. I could try a trip but now summer is over and as much as I wanted to do it, I would have had to "force" it on one or all of my kids if my W wasnt going which would have been counterproductive.

Thoughts? 2x4s welcome.