Need advice on WAW with OM

[sandi2]

Hi, I haven't introduced myself, but I have been reading some of your stitch....but had to stop right here...maybe I should go farther to see if you did send that letter, but I hope you didn't. I am "Almost a Walked Away Wife" and please don't send the letter. Your expressions of the OM will make her furious and she will go for the D if nothing more than to spite you out of her anger. You probably don't see it, but through her "fog" she will read your letter to say that she does not make good choices and that if the OM was a professional like the two or you....it would be fine. She will see it as though you are downing her "taste" in men and that she could pick a much better type, etc., etc.

Do you understand what I'm trying to point out? You MEAN to say that she is so valuable with high standards, education, and class...that is surprised you that she choose a bartender. But, it will not be read by her like that at all. And, like I said, she will also be mad b/c you sound as though you are giving her permission to have an affair, or to D you.....as long as the guy is in the right category.

I talk a little blunt sometimes and don't mean for it to come out the way you may read it, but I just froze when I read your post and was thinking....no, no....don't do that...it will ruin everything.

Have you figured out why she was at your house the night you came home and found her upset? I thought I knew as soon as I read about it.....but I have to admit that I have read so many threads that I may get the stitch mixed up with someone else's. My immediate thought was that she had OM and at that point I did not remember reading that she did. However, my thought was that she was hurt by something to do with the OM and ran to you to pet her bruised ego. She knew that good ole H would be more than glad to "hold" her through the night. (There I go being blunt again.) But, doesn't it make sense to you that the very next morning when she was grumpy....it was b/c she was mad at herself and was thinking..."What was I thinking by coming here.....now he (you) will think that this is a sign that I (wife) am ready to come back to him (you)!" That is why she had to act rude the next morning. She had to stop you from getting your hopes up b/c that would mean pressure on her.

This may be a shot in the dark here, but I can't help but think that she is a "romance" addict. Men understand what "sex addiction" is, but women have "romance addiction". That is why an EA is so easy to fall into for them. IMHO, that is why she says that it won't work for the two of you, and that she just wants OP and another R....that is "new" where there is no history.

The thing that caught my attention was that when the R with OM doesn't work out and the "new" has worn off with him, then the W has to find a new OM to get her "fix". And that it is just as addicting as a drug and that each new R will need more than the last to fullfill her emotional needs and for her to feel the "thrill" again.

I realize now that it was not "sex" addiction for me, but it is "romance" addiction. I had EA with OM on line. He fed my starved ego, etc. and it was quickly leading up to a PA. If I had not found this web site and spent endless hours reading books (and not the romantic ones), I hate to think where my life would be right now. I feel like I have had a "crash study" and I'm still studying. I'm not through the course yet.

I will talk to you more, but for now....just don't sent that letter.

Sandi2