back to square -1 or -10000

[runningoutoftime]

Cadesmom is right about the getting back to US part.... that truly is the key to DBing.

Here's a couple of thoughts that may or may not apply...

Perhaps the leash didn't extend long enough for him to get OW out of his system...

Maybe you have worked too hard to make things "perfect," made changes to try and make him happy, put most of the effort into making the marriage work while he hasn't met you even half way. Would you say you have carried most of the marriage load (especially recently) on "your back," figuratively speaking of course. (I know I did that for a long time!!!). One interesting thing I remember reading in "Not 'Just Friends'" is that sometimes affairs are not about trying too hard in a marriage and it failing because of that, but never putting enough into it. In other words, the person who puts less in has an easier time going into an affair because they never put enough in the marriage in the first place. And I sometimes wonder, if we (as DBers and people who really believe and want our marriages to work) tend to be the ones doing ALL the work. Maybe we just worked too hard, put too much into it and not required or even allowed the other to do their part.

One reason I bring this up is it is something I've done. I was always the one putting everything in the marriage, working "too hard" to make it work each time my husband would try to yo-yo out of the marriage. I'd try to reel him back before he really had a chance to experience life "on the other side of the fence" and get that whole "grass is greener over there" out of his system.