I'm new and all going very bad

[Have Faith]

Corinda

I have read your stich and I can really feel your pain. I know exactly how you feel. However, I think you are going to fast. I felt the exact same way that you are feeling right now back in March. It just seemed hopeless and that there was no way that we could repair out M. He didn't want to. He was in such a bubble and all he could do is fantasies about what it could/would be like with the OW. How he had never felt the way he felt about her for anyone. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. They were even planning their wedding and he was having the ring designed at the end of the next month. Somehow, probably because of the amount of prayer I did, the bubble started to burst ever slowly and some reality crepted in. I did ask him to move out which he did on 3/10. Like you, the relationship was too "in my face". Him moving out helped in one way and didn't help in another. His moving out took the "in my face" feeling away, but because he was not at home anymore, I really couldn't show him how our M could be. I believe that the biggest thing that opened his eyes was my strength to go on without him. Because like you,I think my H thought I would just be there waiting. In fact he asked me several time if there would ever be another change for us say in 6 months. I started DBing and I did buy 3 DB counseling sessions that where the best thing I did. I also read. Like everyone else out there we end up with a full library of self-help books. Some are better then others.

Well in the middle of April he wrote me an e-mail and asked me what it would take from him to make our M work. I was shocked and wrote back to him telling him what that was. He had already filed for a D, but now refuses to sign the final papers.

So what I'm trying to say is there is hope. Start DBing and if you can afford it, do some DB Coaching sessions. My horror story is not over yet, as he did move back into our home 5/18, but still has a relationship with the OW. Nothing like it was, but I have once again asked him to move out. This time I did it with love and told him that it was for me. That I needed to begin detaching as he was not able to give me what I need. That being 100% committment to me and our M. Also this time, I have told him that we could still do things together, as when we are together, we really have a good time and we both love to golf (the OW doesn't have any interest in it or ever learning how according to him). I told him that I was GAL and if he could pretend to be single, then so could I. This made him very nervous and in fact he keeps saying you will have someone in no time. You are a real catch and I'm an idiot. But he still holds onto OW. Believe me he has said many things to me that he how says he didn't mean. That that was then and this is now. They all do this. They are in a bubble and unless you show them a different you, they will continue to run.

I pray that you hang in there if you want your M. You can be a success story. You want to be sure that you have done everything you can. At least if it doesn't work out, you will know that you did your best and in the mean time you have become a better more beautiful you.

Faith