back to square -1 or -10000

[BeingMe]

FIrst i told him to come and get his things. Then I felt sorry and told him he could sleep on the couch, now i don't know if that was the right thing. A small part of me is actually afraid he'll hurt himself, he sounded like a mess over the phone.

You have to be consistent now. No vascillating between feeling sorry for him, then tough. Choose a path and stick to it until he shows signs of working toward you. I am so sorry you are reliving this nightmare again, and I hope that now you are stronger, you will use a bit of tough love. I cannot see how anyone can use ADHD as an excuse to have an affair. There are other ways to have some excitement.

You are right when you said he has to fix himself. It sounds like you are heading toward enabling him. It is rare that contacting the OW is a good thing, but I think in this case, you did the right thing (I would've been tempted to post her d*mn pics on his phone to an XXX site ... teach her a lesson not to mess with married men.) You must be so disappointed and angry, but now is the time to be proactive. No more bailing him out of his debts, no more feeling sorry for him ... he is a grown-up and must feel the consequences of his stupid choices. You were also right in not allowing him into the M, and letting him eat cake.

Looks like he knew exactly what he was doing ... using you to get out of debt, while planning to visit her, and find a place with her. Now he is upset because he has been found out. I am sorry, but your H is a coward. Can't play the game honestly.

This sitch, too, is something I 'fear' happening to me again. Loving one's spouse is so important to a M, but trust is far more important, IMO. If ya can't trust your spouse, then there is no point in staying with them, unless there is a way for that spouse to be and prove their trustworthiness.

Take care.