Sorry I haven't been able to keep up and write. My computer was down for a little while, but now it's back up and I'll try to keep in touch...
Do YOU really want a divorce? Think very carefully about that before signing anything with a lawyer. For one thing, by you starting the ball rolling you are making your husband's decision much easier because he can always look back and say YOU were the one who filed (my friend's husband did this to her and my husband WANTED me to be the one who filed so he wouldn't have it on his conscience). You are also helping out OW. I'm sure she'd be VERY HAPPY about it. Do you want that?
Sheesh!!! Let him be the one to deal with that! Let him be the one entirely responsible for everything while you were nice, perfect, supportive, and the PERFECT wife he was stupid enough to leave. Make sure you always act in such a way that he when doubt does finally spring up (and it will!!!!) he will always wonder if he made the right choise, and ENTIRELY REGRET IT. Do not think time doesn't change things... it can change things RADICALLY. Unless you feel whole, clear-headed, healed and ready to start a life entirely without him then DON"T FILE!!!! Don't even talk about divorce!!!! I always made that mistake. The divorce threat. Just don't go there unless you are 100% ready and have had MANY MONTHS to consider it.
Don't make their situation easier. I think it's wise to get you "chickens lined up" in case HE files for divorce (start putting away a little money, open that separate bank account, work on personal healing and mental preparation, learn your legal rights, read up about divorce), but don't file. NO REGRETS!!!!! I guarantee you. If you file, you will always wonder and there's a higher chance you'll regret being the one to do it. And if things don't work out with her (and statistically they probably won't), he'll say he had no choise. You divorced him!!! Believe me!!! Even my husband tried to do that. When I pointed out that he divorced me (when he finally realized how STUPID he was!!!), he said, "What do you mean I wanted the divorce???" Actually, it was pretty comical by that point! I think making that decision really ate him up. He was entirely CERTAIN he wanted a divorce.. and this is a guy who almost NEVER changes his mind. But eventually many months later he did... and in the beginning he said he didn't miss me, etc... and was VERY MEAN to me (trying to push me away, make leaving me easier... but I didn't fall for that ruse! I didn't make it easier for him ).
I don't care where your husband goes, he might divorce you, but for YOU and your healing and ability to move on if things go that way.... don't make those decisions, never have that regret, teach your children that you do your best to keep a marriage together and if it doesn't you always BE THE BETTER PERSON!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
).