please help with advice, new here, H in mlc

[HBT]

Goal,
I agree, logically but physically and mentally, well my body begs to differ. He's gone, reality; what do I do now. This is not supposed to be my life. We had our problems, but he (did) love me for who I am. Now all he can think of is me-that same person-in a negative view. Our entire family life is the way it is because of the choices and sacrifices I/we made so it could be like it is. How do ideals change; why is what makes you happy before the problems the exact reasons for the total unhappiness now? I am so lost in my thoughts.