Well, I've decided to go ahead and move in here, since things have moved into the fast lane. My sitch is in my signature. I've also got a thread where I launched into panic mode, here.
I haven't posted over the last few days because things have been... strange. Well, not so much strange but pretty hectic emotionally speaking. I know that everyone, including Michele, has said to not pursue, and against everyone's better judgment, I did anyway. At first, it was positive. I was able to get my W to at least slow down and think about things, to not be so hasty to file. As it stood, we were both "safe" in that I was fine in the house and she was fine at her parents' for the time being, so there was time to peacefully think. I've maintained contact with her mother (side note: Her mother made the observation that we've spoken more in the last two weeks than we have ever.), and asked her to try not to do or say anything to pressure W. I am touched by her opinion of me as being the best thing that ever happened to her daughter, and am in full sync with her state of being flabbergasted. However, without going into the full DB details, I asked her to give W some space in the meantime. She agreed.
For the last few days, W and I communicated more reasonably. I tried to gently express that I still love her without saying the words. I've been her cheerleader in trying to find jobs, having expressed joy and excitement with her, as well as the pain of hitting dead ends. Throughout it all, she still maintained that she's absolutely sure she wants a divorce and there's nothing I can do about it.
So, I've decided to stop. Obviously, I don't want it, but I'm not going to fight her. Despite everyone in her life trying to get it across to her that D is a bad idea, she's still plodding along. I am suspecting an OM. Not physical-- at least, not yet. I think she's probably got someone online who is making preparations to come up here and "rescue" her. It's the only way I can make sense of her behavior. Sadly, her mother agrees, so I know I'm not just being the delusional, panic-stricken LBS. W still maintains there isn't. Unless there is some mental illness there, I cannot believe it one bit.
So, I'm here now, awaiting the divorce. I guess it's time I DO take the advice given to me and GAL. Those of you who've replied to my other threads, thank you. I hear ya. I don't envy the position some of you are in, with this kind of mess spanning months and years versus my piddly few weeks. I'm sure you can at least understand the emotional maelstrom that occurs so soon after the big announcement, and that's where I am. I'm not looking to excuse myself, just asking for a little understanding.
Anyway, the W is here now, waiting for me to get off the computer so we can get my money out of her bank account and do some other things necessary to make the divorce happen. It's going to be an interesting day.
Thanks...
My current sitch. Feedback and opinions greatly appreciated!
A divorce can be devastating emotionally, but it is not necessarily then end, even though it may feel that way. Sometimes the separation that a D grants the two people is exactly what they need to see how much they need and miss the other person. I hope your W is not having or moving towards an A.
As you already know, the days ahead will be hard, try to stay positive and supportive even though your are felling like sh*t.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
