bar...I totally understand what your saying...I was loyal and trusted for over 25 yrs. and he told me the same thing...not happy for years, thought about leaving for years, actually did leave for a few...had an A...found the perfect woman...and the list goes on...
Trust is an issue in the beginning...no doubt about that...but it really is OUR issue...I didn't make my H "PROVE" anything to me...but in time he saw that he NEEDED to be accountable as to what, where, who, how, and when things were happening with him so that I would know...
But it really didn't take long for us to have that trust again...and I say us because he didn't trust me with his feelings, his emotions, his deepest thinkings...I know to us there is no comparison to that and an A but to the it is still trust...yes, you life is more important then anything and you shouldn't self-destruct to prove your love...I certainly didn't...I became stronger and better...more sure of myself...
I know that trusting in something to find out it was all a fake on the other persons part is really emotionally shattering...but my H tells me now that things were not as he stated...while he had been unhappy for a long time...it wasn't THAT long like he said and it wasn't ALL with me...this does help to put things in perspective...
Mkultra what I can tell you is that jealousy and others should not be used to get the attention of your H...you should not use another person to "get over" your marriage or anyone...it isn't fair to them and it certainly isn't fair to you...I am sure you don't like hurting someone and if you did get over H with OM and found he wasn't really someone you wanted to spend your life with but he felt you were...then obviously someone would get hurt...dating shouldn't be a game...and it isn't for M persons...even though your H is doing it 2 wrongs never add up to a right...
Your not dating and acting single while H is says that you have morales, value your own word and what you said in your vows, that you don't NEED someone to make you happy...GAL is finding your OWN happiness...doing things that are good for YOU...and your H will tell you to move on...they all do...it makes the decision process easier for them and they can blame you if it isn't what they want later....standing doesn't mean sinking...it means standing for what it right...taking care of yourself...and when your H looks back...if he does...he will see the strong woman who has it all together...if he doesn't...then his loss...you have lost nothing...because time is your friend...it gives you what you need to be who you are...who you REALLY are...we tend to get lost in our R's...this will help you...trust me...I didn't think it would...I almost blew it...but I got myself together and started living MY life...that didn't mean having an OM in it...that meant enjoying life on my own and eventually my H noticed...he was impressed...he saw my strength...and realized that I wasn't the enemy and he came to me for help...that was the begining of our healing...not the end of our troubles...but we are getting there...
